Volatility and me !

Volatility = measures of instability

Best description of my life for the first half of 2009 !

Simplicity is what i search but yet I get complicated. It can't be everyone or every circumstance around me, it must be something Im doing that attracts complicatedness to myself. And true enough yes. Lately, Ive been reading a lot about personality and how one discovers who they truly are.

In life one goes through many personality reforms. This is very evident in the teenage years, where you are expose to many different environments and people. However, for some teenagers, who grew up in a stable, constant environment, these may not be the case. So when does all this reforms occur??? In your twenties !!!!

I knew and tested a few traits of myself well before turning 21. There are some core believes and attributes that I have carried with me from my childhood. But what about the rest of it? Experience shapes it all. I am one who believes that without experience, regrets, disappointments and joy , you cannot say you have lived a fullfilling life.

Nothing is always sweet, simple, easy and rosey.. if it is, you must be walking on the straight road. You ain't taking any risk and progress cannot be acheived without risk. From all this, i deduced I am an extreme risk taker and i do not think things through enough. I am spontaneous and I always look out for the best in people.

Admist all this volatility in my personal life, im glad to find stability in my career. I walked into my pre-reg year, thinking i knew crap. I doubted every bit of knowledge i had and was not confident enough to make a call on my own. Nevertheless, i proved myself so very wrong in the corporate world. An area i had zero experience in. An experience Ill be grateful for my entire life. Then i walked into the clinical area, and yet again I surprised myself that I exceeded everyone's expectations. The thing is, i set so high targets for myself. I need to feel that sense of great acheivement , but yet I do not believe I can do it. But maybe that is just the way I need to do things.

Things to change in order to survive in this world:
Stop looking at the best in people.. a slight drop of cynicism goes a long way
Think things through to a certain extent (a good week of thinking before taking action is good enough)
stop having expectations
learn to be happy being individualistic.
Do not be so transparent
Belive in yourself

Identifying to my flaws and my strengths has been a great awakening call. I know what I have to do to acheive stability and that's first being happy with my surrounding. If your're not loving it, get out of it ! Change can be good. Saying that, Im gonna start finding every single way, route, method to find a place I am at peace with. Maybe that's the key to me finding my inner peace.

Blip on my radar

So its been officially a week since the "D" event.. and guess what, I finally see light at the end of the tunnel.

As i reflected my loss or wait.. his loss, I realise that not only that I deserve so much more , i don't need this to put up with this absolute crap now or ever.

To put things into perspective, I am looking at our time spend together as just a mere blip on my radar. And that is just how I feel about it at the moment. I am not weak or symphathetic to your reasoning. From this, I feel totally empowered to do what I want , where I want and when I want. There is nothing stopping me and you certainly are not bringing me down.

After every failed relationship, you either choose to come out stronger or weak and depress. The sweetest revenge is being able to look fabulous, come out strong and put out a 100 million dollar smile as you walk out the door.

The way i look at it, the longest time id spend mourning the loss if you , is just about the same time as you put into this rship. Hence.. it s done. 1 week and Im fine :D

Now Im off to enjoying my Sunday rest and perhaps planning a weekend getaway to Malaysia ..

So long my confuse boy...

A twist of fate.. a drop of luck :D

The past week has been such an amazing week for me... Ive been sick enough not to go to work and not too sick to get out of bed and enjoy my 2 days of medical leave.
Ive just spend my days catching up on sleep and on household chores. Trying to squeeze in a little work but that seems just too much :P

Everything is so blissful on this cold winter morning. The sun is shining brightly, the air is so crisp and Im having my comfy warm robe on while sipping a cuppa... and I do have him too :)

The world is such a different place when you actually have someone to rely on. I feel so lucky to have fallen for my good friend. A man I respect, admire and appreciate. A man i know I can rely on and will be there for me no matter what..

It may be too soon to tell, but this is something Im not gonna let slip away that easily. I just pray that God will bless this choice of mine and continue to help it florish and grow in the best of ways.

Yes.. so I am on cloud 9.. Music fills the air .. and the everything seems so much more beautiful now.

Just so lucky !