Spinning thoughts

Love.

2010-09-06T20:56:00.003+10:00

A word so powerful, so profound and so deep- the words every human laughs about, cries about and builds memories upon. Just imagine, everyday, millions of phone calls, cards, emails and text messages wrench upon this idea - LOVE !

Love starts from the very beginning of life. It is the essence to life, the essence to every relationship.

The love showered by parents are the first of many kinds of love one experienced. Then comes, the love from friends. A bond so strong between friends can be some of the strongest love one experiences. Then, if lucky, there is the love of a man or woman. The love which will eventually bring upon a whole new family into our lives. A love that can change humans. A love than teaches us a great deal. More than once, we may encounter this form of love. And the last form of love, is the love towards a child.

I am more than pleased to have experienced most of forms of love. I thank my lucky stars for having such amazing parents that care as much as they do. Though we are seperated by an ocean, the love never fades an inch. My life does revolve around them and as much as I hate to say this, I would always be their baby girl.

In my search for love, Ive found a man that has been not just a partner but so much more than I could ever imagine. The simple gestures that he does, fills my heart with so much warmth and makes it all worth while .. nothing beats waking up to a message that reads " For you my love :) ".

And not to forget my great love affairs with my friends.. friends that would drop antibiotics of for me at my door step.. and keep my spirits up when im down. Friends that would rush to my aid at 12.00 am and hold me close or listen to my cries in the middle of the night. And friends that you could tell any issue to..

I have been blessed.. very blessed.. not sure what is it about today, but the emotions are running high and I couldnt be more happier with life as it is..

Love.. it may just be a four lettered word.. but its a strong, profound , deep word with many memories and many adventures to come.. and that's just fabulous !

Welcome to the burbs !!

2010-08-23T20:15:00.002+10:00

Its officially 2 months since Ive moved to the burbs... and guess what , I love it. I've always thought of myself as a city chic, but never say never.. ever since I fell in love with my suburban man, the city life seems miles away.

This is also the first time I am living by myself without any housemates- its an absolute ball !! The freedom, space is amazing. Its such a relaxing atmosphere and sometimes I wonder how I ever lived in my previous circumstances.

Over these last 2 months , Ive had the previlege of having mum visit me for 3 weeks. It was fantastic !! She took my raw apartment and made it a home with her own twist. She boosted my confidence in living alone and most importantly met my man. Im so thrilled to have a partner that is fully accepted by my family and very much loved. The chemistry between him and them are just perfect.

My present life is such a blessing...I could not have made the move without him and Im so very thankful for everything he has done for me. " You have indeed been my strength" and the final piece of the puzzle. Just to think a year ago, I was amidst aimless dates and here I am today enjoying every second with this amazing guy who is not afraid to show me how much he cares. I may have sworn never to believe in love 100%, but you have taken that believe to a whole new level. Thank you so much honey.. and I can't wait to journey this adventurous life with you :)

LIfe as it is..

2010-06-04T23:39:00.002+10:00

Indeed it has been sometime since i penned down my thoughts..

The past few months have been fairly hectic. From settling into a decent job, apartment hunting and a holiday back home, I just could not find the time to write.

The biggest highlight for me over the next few weeks will be moving into my new apartment.. in the suburbs..yes you heard me right.. suburbs. Its been 6 amazing years in the city and its time to move on. I am very excited of having a place to call home.. a place I can freely roam .. a place I can decorate as I wish and entertain.. a place where I can kick back with a glass of wine and dance to my fav tunes.

Overall its been a fantastic couple of months.. I am happy, in love, contained..no complaints..

Adios

Cheers to an amazing women !

2010-04-28T19:41:00.002+10:00

Defining the word MOTHER, is a universal challenge. One might say , mother means a woman who gives birth to a child, raises the child up and loves the child. But a mother could mean so much more. A mother a God's ultimate gift to a human being.

Throughout my life, there has been one person that I have leaned on. And that is undoubtedly my mum. She is the cornerstone, the pillar, the strength in my life. I may be thousand of miles away, but all I need is her words and her encouragement to push me through life.

I wish I was there with you to celebrate your special day and though I am not there with you physically, I just want you to know that loving you is like food to my soul.

Here's a little song that describes how much I love you....

You taught me everything
And everything you've given me
I always keep it inside
You're the driving force in my life, yeah

There isn't anything
Or anyone I can be
And it just wouldn't feel right
If I didn't have you by my side

You were there for me to love and care for me
When skies were grey
Whenever I was down
You were always there to comfort me
And no one else can be what you have been to me
You'll always be you always will be the girl
In my life for all times

Mama, mama you know I love you
Oh you know I love you
Mama, mama you're the queen of my heart
Your love is like
Tears from the stars
Mama, I just want you to know
Lovin' you is like food to my soul

You're always down for me
Have always been around for me even when I was bad
You showed me right from my wrong
Yes you did

And you took up for me
When everyone was downin' me
You always did understand
You gave me strength to go on

There was so many times
Looking back when I was so afraid
And then you come to me
And say to me I can face anything
And no one else can do
What you have done for me
You'll always be
You will always be the girl in my life

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM !!

Double 24 ... double the luck ??

2010-03-23T22:21:00.002+11:00

Another year gone by.. oh gosh. The saying " time and tide waits for no man" is so true. One day Im 18, the next .. i'm 24.

The past 6 years of my life has just whizzed by me. Sometimes I look back and think, hey where did all the time go and what have I actually acheived. Well perhaps obtaining a degree and a footing in another country are significant achievements, but its only just the beginning.

As I approach my mid-twenties, priorities in life change. Stability is what I seek.. stable partner, stable job, stable living conditions. I am after a life not of complacence but of serenity.

Perhaps the best thing about this birthday is that I would spending it with a wonderful guy who I know will be around for the next birthday. And i can kiss dating's ass good -bye .. CHEERS TO THAT !!

I hope and pray that by the virtue of being double 24 and the luck and prosperity that the tiger is meant to bring, a double dose of luck would be on my side. But then again, I can't rely on numerics and the chinese lunar signs to dictate my year. Things never get easier. I thought I worked pretty hard last year, oh no.. this year is the challenge. And you know what, next year might be even tougher. So, things get complex, things get difficult as we grow older, all I can do is push, work harder than the previous year and place all my faith in the one I trust.

A birthday Prayer

Lord, let this feast of my birth be a reminder to me of all the gifts and blessings I have received from You this day and all the days of my life. On my day of celebration, I thank you for my life and all of my blessings and ask for another year filled with Your presence in my life that I may continue to grow in your love.

Gracious God, I thank You for enabling me to celebrate my birthday. Lord You have been good to me all these years and I thank You for all the blessings I have recieved but especially for life itself.

Creator God, I do not know what lies ahead for me this year. Yet I know that You are holding my future in Your hand. Let my ways be pleasing to you. As You have promised, be with me, Lord. Grid me with Your strength and grace so that I can live for Your light. Enable me to draw closer to You that I may walk in your peace and be the creative and loving person that you intend for me to be. I ask this and all things in the sure and certain knowledge of your love for me and for all your people. Amen.

Signing off as a 24 year old .. wohoo !!

Do we have beginner's luck ??

2010-02-20T23:39:00.003+11:00

It took me 7 years of painful dating to finally find the one.. and he really is the one.

Over the years, i became a cynic of love. To me, finding true love was hard and I thought no love is 100%, if i can acheive 75-80% of love, it will do.. but now that I have found 110%, I cannot imagine my life with anything less.

To me, he was heaven sent.. the similarities were uncanning, the compatability was amazing. The more time I spent with him, the more I realised we were made for each other. Everything was soo easy, no fuss, no muss.

So far, it has been 4 months and I am truly in love. It is still is what I would call a "young-love" but I know for sure that this is definitely one that will blossom and grow..

My new found love

2010-01-22T22:20:00.002+11:00

Since christmas, I have taken a new hobby.. and its baking. Probably not the best hobby considering one of my new year resolutions is to get fit, but oh well.. a brownie a week can't hurt :)

I have since ventured into new territories.. from pastries, to biscuits and cakes. The feeling of whipping something exotic up and having your loved one taste them is so wonderful..

Hence, I have collected a couple of really good recipes that are not only easy to do, but also very reproducible. There are heaps of recipies our there where by either the ingredients are too hard to get, or the recipe cannot be followd accurately. To date, I have found 1 excellent biscuit recipe, a crunchy lemon cupcake one ( courtesy of my dear collegue) and today I am going to try Chocolate, Almond, Orange Brownie... let's see how that turns out.

Cheers to the a new decade !

2010-01-04T23:45:00.002+11:00

“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day.

The dawn of a new year has come upon us. Christmas and New year symbolises a chance for renewal and starting over. I dedicated this chirstmas and new year to be thankful for everything that has occured over the past 10 years of my life.

My trip back to KL this christmas can be regarded as one of the most meaningful trips back home. The big family reunion was simply splendid. Though some vital family members were missing, they were constantly in our thoughts and prayers.

This new year signified a great celebration of success for many members of my family. Each member has in their own way acheived something significant over the past decade. The strata of the family and standing in society has also changed remarkably. In addition to that, we have become an incredibly globalised family... from members in London, Africa, Copenhagen and Melbourne.. oo and not forgetting neighbouring Spore. How more globalised can one family get ?? The culture and opinions brought by these varied influences makes us very unique.

Celebrating the dawn of a new decade with an incredible level of hope and optimism was the highlight of my trip back. The high from new year's day will have a lasting effect on me this year.

Not to mention all the crazy fun I had with my cousins.. can't believe how grown up and cool you all have become. Will never forget the 3 am swimming saga ( with Heineken's floating on the sidelines..and tequila shots.. wohoo!! ). It indeed was the best Christmas and new year and all thanks to my amazing BIG family !!

Love you guys !!

The beginning of a new life

2009-11-17T22:36:00.002+11:00

The Purpose Driven Life

It took one person to knock some solid sense in me and get me thinking about the bigger picture in life.

Today , 17-NOV-2009.. I signing a covenant and am going to embark on a 40 day journey with God to find my purpose in life.

As I look back at my life and what my dreams and aspirations were, it is filled with so much ambitions. I place so much emphasis on success. I thought that would be enough to feed my soul, but yet, I still feel hungry. I have yet to be satisfied despite all my success. My need for something more in life has left me incredibly frustrated.

Hence, my decision to change and opt for the truth. I have taken God's graces for granted, and its time .. just about time for me to start appreciating Him.

So today, I have learnt, its not all about me... and how do I feel about it ? Scared.. life is not about me.. am I able to handle it when I use to allow it to revolve around me. Well I shall take up the challenge and learn to focus on the bigger things in life. The first sentence itself has alerted me to the massive problem in my life.. self -centeredness. I am willing and praying hard for God to walk this journey with me and help me discover my purpose in life.

"Everything begins in Him and shall find its purpose in Him"

The end of an era

2009-11-16T11:05:00.002+11:00

It took me 5 solid years to get to where I am today. I dreamt about this day where I can walk proudly, be confident of my knowledge, skills and abilities and it has finally arrived..

I shall step into the next phase of my life with mixed emotions. The estatic feeling has passed, and now reality has sunk in. Life will never really be the same again. The responsibilities just increase in tens of folds..

Defining true happiness no longer means passing exams.. as my parents say, " We don't expect less from you" , and I don't expect less from myself.. there has to be something more.. something more meaningful..

I have met many people along the way which has contributed greatly to my life experience.Some intrigue me, so make fantastic friends, some will just be existence in my life. But no matter what and who they are, I am grateful for meeting each and every person that has crossed paths with me.

Looking back at who I was 5 years ago, and who I am now.. sure my life seemed so much simpler 5 years back, and maybe I have grown to be complicated, but hey... complication is the essence of life. If there is no complications, there is no reward for acheiving anything.

As a friend said to me, "We are complicated human beings, with complicated minds.. you just have to embrace that and stand firm on your grounds.. Fill the gaps in your life with God's presence and love yourself above all".

As this year draws to an end.. all I hope to do is toast to a new year ahead of me with the people I love and care.

2009-10-02T21:03:00.002+10:00

Sometimes i just sit back and wonder how different my life would be if I had chosen a different path. What if I never came to Australia ? What if i walked down the finance line.. or the medical line ?? What if I was artistic..but yet, this is the path I took. I wouldn't say it was something I planned.. hell no, i did not know what a pharmacist was, let alone plan to be one !!!

As the wrath of my internship comes to an end, I wonder if I am truly happy or satisfied. Without a doubt, this has been an incredible journey. Five years.. that's half a decade of half work dedicated to pharmacy. Everything in my life has been about pharmacy..

Nevertheless, i yearn for so much more.. what if this is just the tip of the ice berg to greater things. Am I capable of it ?? Somedays I wish i had decided to be a dr much earlier.. and on others, I think I would be a better doctor now that I have matured. Not so much in terms of the knowledge, but maturity. Part of becoming a good doctor means, being mature, able to take responsibility and deal with people from all walks of life. Compassion is something that comes with age too..

As a human being, I believe I would be completely satisfied in life, if I am able to save a life.. If i am able to be 100% sure that I can save a life. I hate being an adjunct to a life saving process. But, what must I give up to acheive that personal satisfaction ?? Is it worth it ? Will my future kids suffer the wrath of my selfish desires to push myself to the absolute limit ??

Some people are followers, some people are born leaders.. some prefer to stay in their comfort zone and some thrive on challenge.. I am one for the latter..

So.. what the heck do I do now ??? Where does life take me ??

The well equipped woman

2009-09-19T13:46:00.002+10:00

Today morning marked the first official Sat off in almost 2 years. It feels fantastic.

Up and about by 8 am, did a quick clean of the apt and headed off to the gym for an excellent session.

Walked down to Melb central , got some lunch and now sitting here in the library.. waiting for my best bud to show up for a crash study session.. Perfect !!

A thought just came to my mind while I was doodling away here... im pretty much well equipped :)

There is nothing I really don't have.. oh well except for the Ipod Nano that Im dying to get.

Oh well.. better get back to some serious studies..

Signing off... gosh i love my new headphones... superb!!

Deciding on "Mr.Right for the Time Being"

2009-09-01T00:35:00.002+10:00

Over the past months I have dated a series of men. From well educated medical specialist , to unscrupulous lawyers, pretty boys and younger men.. Now I am down to 3 men. What the hell do I do ??

I can't seem to be able to make up my mind as to whether I am ready to commit to any of these men. What if someone better comes along, always plays at the back of my mind. My personality is such that Im constantly in search for a challenge. Settling is a word i don't seem to comprehend.

From all these, I was just intrigued at how some women can be monogomous and know that the man that they are seeing is indeed the one. How the hell can one be so sure ?? I did some research and most reliable sources say , you gotta know what you want. Hell yeah i thought i knew what I want, but maybe not. So i hope this "wish list" is going to help me decide on the best fit.. and if there is no fit.. its time for the break up call..

NEEDS : Marriage, children non -negotioble. Financial stability. Fairly stable lifestyle. Christian or open to christianity. The man must be able to adapt to my lifestyle. No rural living

WANTS: Preferably a university masters degree holder. Salary of > 80k a year. Good in bed :P (hey what rship with bad sex does last?? )Catholic. Humourous. Loving/romantic. Must have a decent set of friends.. and yes i stress DECENT. Comes from a good family from an upbringing and socio-economic point of view. Must know how to save money and of course, stylish and looks after himself

VALUES: Religion, education, responsible, family orientated

GOALS: He must be career driven and ambitious, must allow me to acheive my dream, be a support, wants to have a family in the next 10 years.

This is what i want from a man that is not exactly negotioble. Well, it might change, i dont know. Maybe I just havent met him.. oh boy !!

2009-08-29T20:42:00.002+10:00

"Baby you're all that I want, when your lying here in my arms
I find it hard to believe that we're in heaven" Bryan Adams

Its been months that Ive known you. Though never been in the same room ever, yet there is this immense connection between us. You are indeed my dream man in every possible way, my knight in shining armour. Its such a shame that we are thousand miles apart. Sometimes i feel like just taking a chance, flying over to where you are. It doesnt matter if things do not work out the way I expect it to be, but just a day , with my dream guy would be great.

I hope someday, we would be able to meet. For now, your voice, that cute, sexy French accent is all I can get. ... Oh boy, where else would I find a hot french-viet pharmacist with a tinge of british in him???

Perfecto !!

The fucked up week gone by...

2009-08-14T18:34:00.002+10:00

What a week this has been... brutality at its peak. Its been a while since Ive felt inadequate. Well, guess everyone has their day .

The year gone by so far has been so challenging. Today, as I sit here, I just cant wait for it to be all over. For me to actually make decisions on my own and to stop being an intern. Im so tired. Physically and emotionally. Dealing with the study and work is hard enough, but the people is all another story. There has been so many obstacles that I had to face.

Glad to get away from it all next week. Just 5 days of peace and quiet. I shall fly away and leave all my worries here in this land that I am beginning to despise more and more. When people ask me what are my fondest memories of Melbourne, there really isn't anything significant. Might have gained my degree here, but even that moment wasnt as delightful as how it should have been.

I miss Asia so much. I miss being around ppl i genuinely care about. I miss being in love with what I do. I dont know if a new job would change things, or a new man, but I need some form of change. I just need to get out of this rut and do something I enjoy at a pace I am comfortable with.

All i can do right now is stop wishing for my life to be at certain phases and just face the bull shit crap. Oh well, its just another 2 months ( hopefuly) and then Fuck it... im off !!

The month gone by....

2009-08-09T12:21:00.002+10:00

Wow.. its been a month since Ive almost blogged. This is scary as it means I havent cracked up much study... oooh shit !!

Guessing I've got to qurantine myself over the next 2 months. Being a fully qualified pharmacist is all I can think . Wouldnt want to fail and go through an extra 3 months of crap. Just so over being an intern.

Indeed the future seems to exciting..the ability to make your own decisions without consulting someone all the time is what I truly long for.

I have been thinking so much about where and what I want to do after this. I guess I sorta know what type of pharmacist I will be, but as each day goes by, I am loving my job more and more. Put me in community and Im loving it or even in hospital. A combo job of hosp/comm/industry would be my ideal week. Whether or not that is possible Im not sure. Next stop is getting the Masters out of the way. I ve been thinking of a couple of different options in terms of futher education. Id love to pursue something in Pharmacy, but also do another unconventional masters.. maybe Intl Health/Public Health/MBA... and this I hope to do in Europe or something

Gosh, all this possibilities are so exciting. The fact that I can just walk out of Melbourne tmrw itself and get a job in Asia or go home to Msia for a couple of months is excuberating.

One thing for sure, I have realised that I am not ready to settle in life. I am not ready to call any place my home or to commit to anything big and scary. Love being young, wild , free and of course successfull... nothing in life can be black while and decided. You can take control of situations, but not plan every situation.

Looking fwd to a great 2010 ( though its about 4 months away) ..and oooh yeah a BIG ROZARIO clan reunion.... Yippie!!!

xoxo

My eventful week..

2009-07-12T11:33:00.003+10:00

This week has been a fantastic week for me..

Besides nailing neurology ( one of my most feared areas) , I had 3 fantastic dates, 4 invites for dinner on sat night, told 1 guy I can't see him anymore and had a stand-off gun/knife threat at work

WHAT MORE COULD I ASK FOR ???

When i told my best buddy about this, he just went.. oh my god !! Steph , ur life .... its a ****ing rollercoaster !!!
Indeed it is. I've never experience so many different emotions in 1 week.

The feeling of doing well in your job, the thrill of first dates, the freedom of letting someone go, and extreme fear for your life..

And after all of it, here I am on a Sunday morning ( what I anticipate to be a normal day) looking foward to my next week of adventures. This is life at it's highest for me at the moment. Liberating myself for the regular cliche' is the best thing, I've ever done for myself.. getting out there , saying hi..making more friends has been so amazing and its funny how you realise that, hey I should have done this all the while.

There is a fantastic world out there of pretty amazing, fun people, one just has to know how to pick and choose and be a little careful ...To build a solid network, I realise i cannot rely on my comfort zone. I want to meet publishers, media execs, medical directors and yes I am working my way up there.. Look out for me !!!

Till next time...

Tax Returns already ?????

2009-07-12T11:18:00.003+10:00

Yes folks, the end of a somewhat bad financial year has just come to a close. The big boys must be utterly depressed looking at their statements for the year 08/09... but wait.. i know 1 firm who is celebrating the EOFY with champange and strawberries. This is no other than Roche Pharmaceuticals. Swine flu has been a gift from God to this big pharma giant. Sales of tamiflu alone, has created millions of dollars in revenue and big fat bonuses for the boys..how fun !!

Now coming back to my personal financial statement for the year..it has been pretty good. My first year out of uni, earning my own cash, my own interest...its been fairly good. Feel all grown up. But the interesting things here is, I wish i could do a little invoice to all the men I've dated over the past FY claiming returns for being ****heads. Not to mention, the amount of money Ive spent on these pathetic loosers.

I always thought it is fair to be equal. If you pay for dinner, Ill pay for the movie. But boy was I wrong. Men are not the one's who jump to their wallets first anymore. If you (the girl) offers to pay, they 'll gladly say.. awww thanks.. next time on me. And when next time comes, the cycle continues. Speaking to some guy friends, their point of view on this matter was that a girl should pay sometimes, but not all the time. Men apparently love to check out how financially independent a girl is. If she expects a guy to do a lot for her (monetory wise), they would back off.. oh wait.. run for the hills!! So i guessed, guys are becoming smarter in the money department. They don't want to spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars on a girl without officiating things.

Clearly, ive been wearing the pants in most of my dates this year. But oh well, it gives me the power to be dominant over these men lol.... oh boy how vicious am i :P

Well until a strong feminist group comes up with a way to claim returns back from an ex.. i just have to hope on my genital herpes theory...( oh that's for another day :P )

Sigining off....

Volatility and me !

2009-06-27T19:41:00.002+10:00

Volatility = measures of instability

Best description of my life for the first half of 2009 !

Simplicity is what i search but yet I get complicated. It can't be everyone or every circumstance around me, it must be something Im doing that attracts complicatedness to myself. And true enough yes. Lately, Ive been reading a lot about personality and how one discovers who they truly are.

In life one goes through many personality reforms. This is very evident in the teenage years, where you are expose to many different environments and people. However, for some teenagers, who grew up in a stable, constant environment, these may not be the case. So when does all this reforms occur??? In your twenties !!!!

I knew and tested a few traits of myself well before turning 21. There are some core believes and attributes that I have carried with me from my childhood. But what about the rest of it? Experience shapes it all. I am one who believes that without experience, regrets, disappointments and joy , you cannot say you have lived a fullfilling life.

Nothing is always sweet, simple, easy and rosey.. if it is, you must be walking on the straight road. You ain't taking any risk and progress cannot be acheived without risk. From all this, i deduced I am an extreme risk taker and i do not think things through enough. I am spontaneous and I always look out for the best in people.

Admist all this volatility in my personal life, im glad to find stability in my career. I walked into my pre-reg year, thinking i knew crap. I doubted every bit of knowledge i had and was not confident enough to make a call on my own. Nevertheless, i proved myself so very wrong in the corporate world. An area i had zero experience in. An experience Ill be grateful for my entire life. Then i walked into the clinical area, and yet again I surprised myself that I exceeded everyone's expectations. The thing is, i set so high targets for myself. I need to feel that sense of great acheivement , but yet I do not believe I can do it. But maybe that is just the way I need to do things.

Things to change in order to survive in this world:
Stop looking at the best in people.. a slight drop of cynicism goes a long way
Think things through to a certain extent (a good week of thinking before taking action is good enough)
stop having expectations
learn to be happy being individualistic.
Do not be so transparent
Belive in yourself

Identifying to my flaws and my strengths has been a great awakening call. I know what I have to do to acheive stability and that's first being happy with my surrounding. If your're not loving it, get out of it ! Change can be good. Saying that, Im gonna start finding every single way, route, method to find a place I am at peace with. Maybe that's the key to me finding my inner peace.

Blip on my radar

2009-06-21T14:14:00.002+10:00

So its been officially a week since the "D" event.. and guess what, I finally see light at the end of the tunnel.

As i reflected my loss or wait.. his loss, I realise that not only that I deserve so much more , i don't need this to put up with this absolute crap now or ever.

To put things into perspective, I am looking at our time spend together as just a mere blip on my radar. And that is just how I feel about it at the moment. I am not weak or symphathetic to your reasoning. From this, I feel totally empowered to do what I want , where I want and when I want. There is nothing stopping me and you certainly are not bringing me down.

After every failed relationship, you either choose to come out stronger or weak and depress. The sweetest revenge is being able to look fabulous, come out strong and put out a 100 million dollar smile as you walk out the door.

The way i look at it, the longest time id spend mourning the loss if you , is just about the same time as you put into this rship. Hence.. it s done. 1 week and Im fine :D

Now Im off to enjoying my Sunday rest and perhaps planning a weekend getaway to Malaysia ..

So long my confuse boy...

A twist of fate.. a drop of luck :D

2009-06-05T11:27:00.002+10:00

The past week has been such an amazing week for me... Ive been sick enough not to go to work and not too sick to get out of bed and enjoy my 2 days of medical leave.
Ive just spend my days catching up on sleep and on household chores. Trying to squeeze in a little work but that seems just too much :P

Everything is so blissful on this cold winter morning. The sun is shining brightly, the air is so crisp and Im having my comfy warm robe on while sipping a cuppa... and I do have him too :)

The world is such a different place when you actually have someone to rely on. I feel so lucky to have fallen for my good friend. A man I respect, admire and appreciate. A man i know I can rely on and will be there for me no matter what..

It may be too soon to tell, but this is something Im not gonna let slip away that easily. I just pray that God will bless this choice of mine and continue to help it florish and grow in the best of ways.

Yes.. so I am on cloud 9.. Music fills the air .. and the everything seems so much more beautiful now.

Just so lucky !

So what is passion to you?

2009-05-01T23:31:00.004+10:00

Over the past 6 months, Ive met countless people who are extremely passionate about what they do and a good handful of people who are disgruntled and frustrated with life. I wondered, which path I would take 20 years from now... would I be yelling at my intern ?? Would i be teaching her/him with the utmost passion?? Would i be a contended and ethical corporate mogul ?? or just frustrated housewife??

I believe its choices that you make that determines your happiness and satisfaction in life. Last week as I studied for my pharmacy board exams, I never had felt more pressure than I ever did throughout my university life. Obtaining distinctions or high distinctions became second nature to me that I never once thought I could fail. I never once doubted myself after an exam. To me, this is probably one of the 2 most important exams that I would be sitting for in my life. Getting through this exam successfully consolidates everything that I have learnt over the pass 4 years and provides me with a license to not only legally practice but to move on and do whatever I want in life.

Recently, I had to write a testimonial about my current job for the younger ones... and I felt so much passion as I penned my experienced down. Each sentence that I wrote truly reflected how I feel about my job at present. That was an incredibly defining moment for me as I knew this is it.. this is where I belong.

On the other hand, i thrive to be a medical specialist as well. The adrenaline rush and the wealth of knowledge that a doctor has is such an attracting force. I could easily find myself talking for hours on end about how a certain function in the body works or on a disease state or even a surgical procedure. Everything about the human body fascinates me.

So here before me lies two of my great passions.. the corporate line and the medical field. From here I came to a conclusion that I thrive on the challenge. Both of these jobs are very demanding. Both of them require extreme dedication. Both of them require a lot of brain power. Not forgetting both jobs are equally powerful and tough.

This is me.. I just am the kind of woman who needs a high rise job in a big city to be completely satisfied. Working as a doctor or a corp exec in New York or London would be my ideal lifestyle.. ( a hot shot dr or corp exec as a partner would be the cherry on top of the cake)

I may not be domesticated and I may not truly enjoy the simpler things in life, but hey Im glad to have identified my happy place :)

and yet another birthday goes by..

2009-03-29T18:33:00.002+11:00

You wait 354 days for a mere 24 hours a celebration
Nevertheless, it's all very worth while
Id like to thank everyone for all their gifts, wishes , calls , thoughts and love.
Its nice to know, that there are people out there who care about your existence and appreciate the day you were born.

It was indeed a tasteful celebration with some of my closest friends.

This was the very first year that I missed the presence of a certain someone. Every year, for the past 5 years that is, that very person would make my day an extra special. Its only memories of the time we spent together that I have with me now.

But life goes on. People walk in, people walk out. It's hard to find people that stay put...

At the moment, all I have going for me is my trip back home. Chill with the folks, shop with mum, brunches with friends... that 's my focus that would hopefully keep me going for the next 3 weeks...

Till then.... i shall just bury myself in piles and piles of work :S

The 2009 Essential List

2009-03-18T20:38:00.005+11:00

I have been asked if I would come up with a list again this year.At first I thought, ahhh can't be bothered. But then again, I need an aim, I need a focus to work hard and to reward myself.
Hence, this year, it s not about merely buying stuff. I am actually testing out Frued theory on Self -Rewarding

Last year, my list was predominantly filled with worldly possessions. That has since gone pass me. Though I managed to obtain them, I still did not feel great satisfaction. Hence, this year, I believe I have grown. The things I wish to obtain by 24th March 2010 are things that have a strong emotional connection to me (even the material stuff). They are not merely things to prop my life up superficially, but have a much deeper meaning.

Hence I am changing the name from The Wish list to The Essential List..

So for the 2009 Essential List:

1. A wondeful family reunion with lots of food, drinks, music and love

2. Vacation to a country in Asia ( Msia/Spore not included )

3. Sucessful completion of my intern year

4. A job with a pharmaceutical firm or a decent non-chaotic hospital

5. A wonderful guy, who is down to earth , humble, simple and hilarious

6. An amazing group of friends, who I can always turn too and know that they will be around to support me in rough times

7. The red dress

8. Ralph Lauren's big pony polo tee...ooo i love this one :)

9. French Lessons

10. Tickets to a super cun concert

.. ooo I forgot one more.. Board games !! Well this is really because it s a fun activitiy which I can play with my amazing group of friends :)

Review of the Wish List 08

2009-03-18T20:25:00.004+11:00

It's almost 1 year since I "published" my 2008 wish list. I have come to the realisation that this is one of the best lists Ive ever made ( as I have stuck to it and probably added even more onto it)

It has a been a good tool for friends and family to get a glimpse into what I like. So now, for the review..

In 2008, these are the things I hoped to get by 24th March 2009 :

1.Ipod- Check. Thanks to WL HY, YZ,SAM

2.Sony T70 - Purchased a Canon Ixus. Thanks to Dad

3. Tommy Hilfinger apparels - Check. Thanks to myself

4. Laptop - Check. Thanks to dad n mum

5. Wallet - Done. Pesonally obtained

6. Roxy's I LOVE MELB tee- Got it !! Thanks to Mel, Cynthia, Jean

7. Sport's girl tote- Check. Personally obtained

8. holiday to any where with a good beach- Phuket. Personally obtained + Dad

9. CK jeans- Ralph Lauren instead.

10. clinque skin care range- Check :)

11. Pilgrim white hot dress.. it s seriously hot :)- Compensated this with 3 new dresses from Portman's, Top Shop and Dorothy Perkins

12. A birthday celebration with my family-- Never got around to it .. :(

Well 11 out of 12 is fairly good, but no 12 weighs more than anything. So there goes, I have fullfilled all my material expectations for the year 2008, maybe not quite so the emotional.

The non-nonsense personality test !

2009-03-15T20:02:00.002+11:00

My friend recommended me to try this quiz.. and as I am a lover of all this online nonsense quizzes., I thought why not..

Out of all the personality quizzes that I have done, this has to be the most accurate... here goes:

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

From another test:

Bright and Cheerful

You are always cheerful and charming. You never get too serious with people when they're around, but when you are alone, you think carefully about what they have said. That's because you don't want anyone to see you being too somber. Your personality means you have a lot of friends and you are often the center of attention. Many people who fall into this category become artists and movie stars, perhaps fame could be yours in the future as well.

In reality , you do not need a personality test to tell you who you are. I believe over the last year I have identified most of the traits associated with me.
This has been fun doing :D

The Red Dress

2009-03-15T16:34:00.005+11:00

As I walked through the streets of Melbourne on this chilly lazy Sunday afternoon, I stumbled across her. She was the most gorgeous, sexy yet elegant thing Ive ever seen..
I had to get myself some of her. Hence I walked into her home. The smell of her place was so enchanting.. It brought back memories of the times when I use to have time to stroll into homes like this..

When i entered it, I searched around for where she was.. I finally found her sitting slendourly on a rack. Her hanger had a beautiful sign that read "Limited Edition". My heart kept racing as I extended my hand to touch her soft skin... oh man, it indeed was so fine.
The feeling of her skin against mine send shivers down my spine. I had to try her on..
Putting her own made me feel like a star. The cuttings was gorgeous, the backless style to her added a tinge of sexiness to the dress and the bows cried out feminity.

I couldnt help but stare at myself in awe... her bright red was spectacular.It brought out the confidence it me.
I strutted around in her... she made me feel so incredibly hot. It was just perfect. I knew I had formed a bond with her. She made me look good and she knew I would be able to pull her off in the best possible way. It was a match made in heaven..

But like every other rship, there s a stumbling block. She was too expensive for me to take home (at least this month). As heavy as my heart was, I knew I had to wiggle out of her, slip into my old clothes and hand her gracefully back to her current master..

As I walked out of her home, I turned around and secretly promised myself that I will get her. I am yet to know when, but she ll be mine someday...

"The perfect red cocktail dress"

2009-03-05T20:31:00.003+11:00

"Little do men perceive what solitude is, and how far it extendeth.
For a crowd is not company, and faces are but a gallery of pictures,

and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love"

A million ppl may surround you, yet the sense of being alone is so profound. Every night I just so wish I could come home to my family. It's only pictures and memories of them that I have to accompany me and get me through the days ahead.

I did it for 4.5 years. It didnt seem that hard. Somehow, something has changed from within me, and this constant battle with my own feelings is making me so tired.

When a child is dropped of at school for the first time, a sense of fear and abondenment comes over them. They are unable to detach from what they know and feel safe in. At this point in time, I feel like that 7 year old girl again, being dropped off at the gates of school for the very first time.. But Im too old to be feeling this way. What scares me the most is the fact that my parents will not be around forever, and who would I have ? Who would i turn too ? Who will hold me and say it's ok when Im down and give me that push to persevere ?

It's something I have to do on my own. I pray one day my sister and I would have a deeper understanding of each other. Right now we are world's apart and I have to be strong to look out for her. I dont know if I am strong enough. I wish i could detach more, but the older I get, the closer I feel to my family. The stronger I yearn to be with them. The deeper I miss them.

If there is one thing I pray for each night, it definetely is the fact that God will make me stronger to walk this life alone. Growing up should not be this hard. It should not be this miserable.

2009-03-01T10:45:00.002+11:00

Out of every 4 people you meet, 1 may be nice

Hey that's not just a saying, but in fact it is so damn true. You can walk pass hundreds of people a day, trust me 3/4 of them will either bang into you, step on your toes, push you to get the seat on the tram or even mislead you to believe that they are nice at all. To top it off, "sorry" is such a deja-vu to these ppl

How is it possible to remain nice in a world where 3/4 are mean ??
One friend pointed out to me that in order to survive, one should be 49% bitch, 51% sweetheart. When i first heard it, I was like wooot ! but now , that I myself have stepped into the working world.. it is totally and completely essential. In this essence, I would not so much call it a bitch, but more of a hard-headed woman.
So there you go.. 49% strong headed, 51% sweetheart !!

On a completely different note, i did go to the movies this weekend to watch he's just not that into you.. and of course my blog will not be complete if I did not make a comment about that show. Trying to not give the story away, but overall, there is no definite excuse to why a man never calls back or a woman who won't sleep with you. Each person is unique, but you get the occasional cliche' here and there. I think everyone could relate to a character in the story as it was very real. No cinderally happy ending bull shit , but real life hard facts.. ouch !! it may hurt but then again, it s better to face reality than live in delusion.

I think in each and everyone's life, there is always a defining moment that makes you open your eyes, take a step back and say.. whoooaaa!! I am on the wrong track. Over the past few weeks Ive experienced that.. but not so much as a defining moment but a series of events. I am glad to have found someone who shares very similiar ideals and experiences, hence I know that I am not alone. Just knowing that your're not the only one fighting those feelings is extremely comforting.

For now Im looking fwd to my little trip back.. looking fwd to indulge in everything unhealthy that msia has to offer.. looking fwd to spend quality time with mum and dad ( ba ku teh in the morning after a jog :P ). I too am so excited about seeing my buddies.... and just about everything.

2009-02-11T18:58:00.002+11:00

Accidents are a mishap; especially one causing injury or death
Most are visible. You see 2 cars collide, blood splashed everywhere, excruciating pain.

But those are not the only kinds.. there is another, which is much more painful, bloodier and deeper than any other. I belive I am such an accident.

I walk into dangerous grounds... though i understand the risk. I get hit repeatedly but yet, I get up and pull my mangled body into yet another accident. Why ? What is it about me that draws me to walk into my very own crash ?

You don't have to be highly intelligent to make big mistakes in matters of the heart. Just 3 weeks ago, I wrote about how happy I was. At that point, that is how I felt.. little did I know that there is a possibility that 3 weeks down the track, I would be proclaiming myself to be a walking accident.

Is this really me ? Surely not. I am so confused about what and who I am. Every other person I have met wants me to be this other girl that I am not.

While processing a script today, a lady, stopped me, looked me in the eye and told me somethings that I never wanted to hear but probably needed too. It's so strange how these things happen.

The furthest I am going to see into the future starting from today, is what breakfast I shall have tmrw morning. Everything else is relative. There is no point planning.. There is no point in me willing to give up everything just to be with someone who would not even appreciate the sacrifices I would have to make. There is just no point.

Till I figure myself out and who Steph really is... i shall let time dwindle pass me.

A hard dose of reality

2009-02-09T22:10:00.002+11:00

So disappointment is inevitable in life. Just when your're on cloud 9 thinking how could anything go wrong, BANG !! it all crashes within a sec.
Why oh why is reality so harsh ? Maybe it s true, Im too young to be cynical about life.
Im still in the " you're falling star, your're a perfect thing to say" phase... but oh boy, life doesnt work that way. No no.. micheal buble' type of romance does not exists.

Should I lower my expectations in relationships ?? Should I go in with a negative outlook to save myself from disappointment ? Maybe. Now i understand why older women are cynical , bitter, and here I am calling them, frustrated, cranky spinsters... but geez I ll probably be walking down that rd pretty darn soon.

Life is so incredibly crazy.. how hard is it to find a man who will play the acoustic guitar and sing "Your're my everything" to you ??
I do look up at friends who have taken the commitment to solidfy their relationships. Im amazed at their bravery and their certainty that they are making the right decision.

Life is too short to whine and wimper about all this.. life is to short to keep thinking about the nitty gritty stuff. Back in high school, falling in love, was so simple and uncomplicated. No worries about future, no worries about financial circumstances and career. Now those questions even hinder us from taking the very first step in a rship. Its become this twisted, question -filled event. The joy and fun of falling in love has been sucked out by our innate consumption to acheive a certain std of living. Did we get it right all along back in high school ?? I think we did.

Its time to let go

2009-02-02T22:00:00.002+11:00

Its been 23 years..
I have valued each and every advice, comment, encouragement, disapproval and approval that the both of you have given me.
But I think its time for me to spread my wings and test the waters.
Though Im already living miles and miles away from you, I still feel cluttered and constrained.
Don't put me on a guilt trip. I know my responsibilities. But I have a life to live.

I appreciate the both of you so much.
I love you both with an endless amount of love.
I thrive to make you proud and happy. But I am tired.
What about me ? What about my happiness?

I wish to whisk away to a foreign land.
Jobs would be hard. Life would be hard.
But I should be alright.
If its not a pharmacy job, I am equipped to perform so many other things
You have given me an education. I am able to survive

Let me go.
I know your fears. I understand your fears
I am not sure what my dreams are now. My priorities are changing.
Once, being a cooperate mogul may have been my dream.
Now, being a mother of 2, cheering at every soccer game and ballet dance lessons is what I long for.

If I have a choice between a 1 million dollar job and a family
I would choose the path of a family
No money , no amount of success in my career would make me happy
If I am to come home every single day to an empty house.

So please, let me go. Be happy for me if I find that one thing that makes me happy. Maybe it is my destiny. Maybe its fate.

I will always remember my roots and flock back to it. But for now, I am ready to take on greater challenges.

She is all happy :D

2009-01-23T19:06:00.002+11:00

Wohoooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

Finally.. finally I am truly happy in a loooooongggg timeeeeee ..
and the secret to it ... u gotta make urself happy on ur own. Independece leads to happiness.

I was walking home from work today and I thought to myself.. i have absolutely nothing to worry about ( besides pre reg .. but I think i shd be able to crap my way through tht ). Work is just so bloody fantastic. I could not be happier going to work every morning. I have been so blest to find a job that I truly love and it is not a chore for me to wake up at 6 am everyday .
Though this reality will come to an end when i migrate over to RCH for my clinicals, I believe the sweet memories will provide enough stimulation to carry on with the next 6 months of the year.

I hope i do end up getting a job in the pharmaceutical industry after I complete my pre reg. Everything about the job suits me.. i love to dress up..I hate dealing with annoying customers.. I love the power it brings... i love working independently .. and of course.. the hot cooperate men who just cant be left out .

It been such a fantastic 2 months so far. I have learnt so much than I could ever imagine and performed more complicated task than I ever thought I could perform. God has been goood !!

To top it up, my french romance is still bloooming.. fresh as ever. He is so encapsulating.. I just get drowned in his wittyness. He too is one of the most metrosexual men that I have met ( he loooveesss shooesss.. thumbs up ) I cant say if it will ever work due to the distance, but I hope God has a purpose for allowing him into my life. My mum told me once before that you should always pray over relationships so that it will grow and blossom into what you hope it to be. I never bothered doing it with the rest ( which Im thankful for) ... but I find myself whispering to God to pleeeaseee make this wooork :)

In many ways Im pretty asian. Lots of my friends are asian and I talk like an asian.. Hence, i believe an asian french man who is metrosexual will definetely suit my portfolio... for now I couldnt be happier to wake up to emails from Paris...

Signing off in a gleefull moood :D

All you need is hope.

2009-01-17T16:02:00.002+11:00

I have not been blogging for a while. Couldnt really get my thoughts and emotions straight for the past 2 weeks. I had a lot of emotions to deal with.. its all like this in Jan. I literally hate the month of Jan. The blues set in when all the holidays have come to an end... and the idea of the coming Dec is too far off.

My parents had left back to Msia and I guess i got use to living with them for the past 6 weeks. Hence the whole detachment process was a bit hard. To add to that, a previous love of mine is getting engaged to a girl he barely knows, but claims he knows everything about her.

It's times like this where I began to wonder if I am actually on the right track, right place. Sure it be so much easier if I walked away from it all and went curling back into my comfort zone, but would that be me ? Would that define who I am ? No I am not running back... I believe I am a fighter and emotions are just emotions and Im trying hard not to let it get to me..
"STAY POSITIVE" as the saying goes ..

Just when i was comin out of this gloominess and was bouncing back into my good ol regular self.. i found a little glimmmer of hope in the corner. It s such an amazing feeling to know that you're not alone and its only a matter of time before your destiny walks right into you.

For now, Im quite happy with my glimmer of hope from France. Though he is beyond my expectations of a man I would have ever considered, but hey... never say never. And certainly no gal would say no to a life in south france...

Ciow !

Hopes & Expectations

2009-01-01T23:08:00.002+11:00

Yet another year has just flew by just like wind in that ruffles by through your hair.

Summing up 2008 in a mere few words would be hard for me. It has been A :
-great
-interesting
-adventurous
-bitter
-sad at times
-sucessful
-joyous
-challenging
-rewarding.......year

In many ways I'd always cherish the year 08 as I received my first university education.

Looking into 09, I have so many hopes and expectations for myself... Amongst them would be to save a litte, excel in my career either in pharma industry or taking on yet another degree, travel a little to somewhere in Asia ( India or Thailand), sponsor a child, and loose just about 10kg.

There is so much to look foward to and work on this year.

Jan 1st always marks a days of many goodbyes. Everywhere around the world I know people who are parting and returning back to their daily routines. Hence, thats what keeps me going. Knowing I have to say goodbye to my family and not have mum's nice hot food waiting for me as I return from work, is quite sad. But nevertheless, I believe that when one holiday ends, you always look foward to the next.

I am indeed looking foward to going back home this year.At least i can say this year now :D
A big Christmas celebration for 2009 awaits me.

For now on I shall keep looking towards Dec 2009 .

ps :A big lesson i learnt in 2008 : i Shall Never Celebrate Christmas n New Year's in Melb again.. its festivity for the old folks.. like seriously comeon, I yawned 4 X during the fireworks.. so that pretty much sums it up !

What you got...

2008-12-21T00:41:00.002+11:00

Oh man , colby's new single is fused to my neurons.. I cant seem to get this tune out of my head. Its such a catchy song, with lyrcis that.. uh hum reminds me of certain parts of myself.. hehe

Well it's worthy of a post..

Now don't blame me if its stuck in ur head :)

The One Who Shall Be Called the Graduate.

2008-12-12T23:50:00.005+11:00

Yippie !!!

Graduation day finally has come !!!

And I have indeed graduated from Bachelor of Pharmacy wit Honours.

Its been such an amazing journey; the education was great, but I believe the ordeals and challenges I faced and lived through was my biggest joy. People ask me, what was the easiest part of your degree... I have to say, it was the studying. The education was a breeze.. if you put in effort, you get the grades.

However, the whole social aspect to my degree was tough. Living by myself, getting use to a new country and making new friends. Yesterday I felt as though, i did not only come out with a B.Pharm(Hons), but also equipped with the skills survive in this world.

On another note, I have so many people to thank for contributing to my success. First of all, God who has never failed me.. Praise to the Lord !!

I thank my mum and dad for being so supportive both financially and emotionally. My friends back home in Msia, who always make my homecomings such memorable ones and my friends in Australia who have given me great memories of uni life.

There have been many professionals that I have met over my course, which have contributed a lot to my education. I so sincerely thank them for putting me on the right path.

It's been a wonderful journey.. it will continue to be a wonderful journey..

Nothing is too hard :)

The one after the Great Silence..

2008-12-10T23:01:00.003+11:00

Now that looks like a title taken straight out from FRIENDS...but hey I came up with it :)

Its been a month since Ive taken time to pen my thoughts down. This month has been fairly busy for me..

A quick summary of the reason happenings : (gees I sound like im writting a monthly report.. all the work in CSL is making me too cooporate like)
- First of all , my folks are down , and we've been having quite a blast. We took a trip to Sydney (my ultimate fav place).. ate like a zilliion types of food.. and just tried to soak in as much of Sydney's beauty as possible.. I visited Taronga Zoo yet again !!! for those who know me well, you'l knw how much I "love" animals.. hence, my 2nd visit to the zoo was such an incredible " pleasure".. I told myself, the next time I come here, i better be pushing a freaking stroller !!

- Then after holidays and all... results striked. I was very pleased to have done well in my bachelors. Getting an Honours degree has proven to be much tougher than I thought it be, but hey .. I did it !!

- So with a solid degree, comes the career world. I commenced work on Dec 1st as schedule. Did a bit of orientation at RCH before heading off to CSL. Now that I have had a taste of all 3.. hospital, community and industry.. I really can say that I enjoy industry and hospital very much . I feel more blessed to have been given this opportunity to experience both of this areas that I am very passionate about.

- To complete the summary of the month NOV/DEC 08.. i shall end it with a BANG! ..

THE GRADUATION

I have been waiting to call myself a graduate ever since I went to kinder.Tmrw when Im up there, receiving my honours scroll.. I know there will be a couple of things running through my mind...
I shall never forget the effort my mum and dad has put into me from a very young age.. I shall never forget the incredible teachers that I had along the way.. I shall never forget the friends that made memories with me throughout my education and taught me valuble lessons in life.
I believe, every milestone I undertook from a young child to completing my degree has been significant and in someway contributed to the person I am today.

It has been a great year.. ( from my point of view). Lots of ups.. and a fair share of downs too. I would sum up my academic 4 years in Melbourne as something truly unique, special and has made me the person I am today...

Adios..

Walking through fire.

2008-11-15T15:49:00.002+11:00

You know sometimes you just get the feeling of living on the edge..

Well recently, I ve been having that feeling. I haven't taken much risk in my life. I would like to say I have played my life safe right up till now. I was craving for some exciting, dangerous, and brave adventure. Something that will take a lot of guts to do... and challenge my principles.

After finishing my degree, I thought i would be very happy. Unfortunately, Im having so much of mixed feelings. Im not blisfully happy as this is not how I planned it to be. He was meant to move in with me and we were meant to be happy. Unfortunately , nothing turned out the way I planned it to be. Hence, my craving for something new and dangerous spiked up.

So .. to cut the story short, I got my challenging, daring , defying all my principles experience. And you know what, it left me feeling a whole lot worse. Cause Im not that person. I like my comfort zone. I thought I would be gratified by doing something exciting, unfortunately all I am left with is a massive guilt trip. I wish i was more carefree... I wish i could find my inner peace. I am never at peace with myself. My body and spirit don't seem to be coherent. Both are extremely strong forces going against each other.

I don't know what is it that I want or need. I am scared as I seem to have lost that ability to be truly happy. Sometimes I do miss having Him in my life. We were not all that bad. And in a way, he completed me. Now Im left with half myself, trying to search the other half is tiring, exhausting and I dont want to do it anymore.

Sigining off in a pretty depressed moooooodddd.. i just wanna crawl in bed and sleep the days away..

The end of an era

2008-11-09T01:01:00.003+11:00

It's finally over.. university has come to a closure (for now at least).

What has it all meant to me ?

Personally, this journey has been one of the toughest that I have encountered. As I look back, the study wasn't so bad. In fact, it was good. There were times when the pressure was on, but I never really felt that the 4 years at university was a burden. I enjoyed every bit of my education.

I had a pre-conceived idea of what university life would be, sadly none of it were true. I was faced with the harsh reality from day 1 and I gradually grew into it.

I took a good hard look at myself the next day after everything was over. Who is she and what she has become? 4 years ago, I remember, my teachers use to call me the loud box. Me and my best friend were the speakers of the class. Over the years, I have become this quiet individual, with nothing much to say. I use to be so bubbly , but the cautious side of me has taken over that. University has not just given me education, in fact , that is quite a small part that it delivered to me. Living on my own and growing up has been the biggest lesson Ive learnt.
I have shaped many values and deepen many of my principles during these 4 years. My faith and believe in the Catholic religion has deepen. My boundries were drawn and my personality has grown.

Today, I packed 4 years of memories into a couple of boxes. As I did that, every item that I placed into the box reminded me so much about the toughness and emotional challenge that I endured. Well of course there were joys, most of my good memories were in my 2nd and 3rd year of uni. I was surrounded with some incredibly good friends with whom I clicked on really well and I do miss very dearly.

I came across a receipt today , which was dated back to the Feb 2005. That was my first month here. You know they say ignorance is bliss.. it so is. I never knew what i was in for when I boarded that flight all alone to Melb. As soon as it took off, I still remember how it hit me, that I was leaving back not only my family, but my whole life. It shook me to my very core. My first day in Melbourne, was an "incredible" day. I don't know how i ever got through it by myself.

Now four years later, sure Im fine and happy, but I have not really found myself here. My body lives up to this world, but my soul just ain't here. It's nice to go out, have good food, drink nice wine, but those are merely superficial to me. They don't satisfy my inner-being not give me any long-term pleasure.

Im not even sure why Im staying on. Maybe it's just because its the right thing to do. But, I know for sure, after 4 years, and a loving relationship with a certain place fails to exists, it probably indicates , you ain't hanging around for long.

Im excited about working, yet nervous. On a scale of 1-10, I ll rate my looking fwd to next year as 3.

Right now, i just so damn wish, I was packing my bags and heading back to KL. A city I really do love. More ever so than my love for Melbourne. Melbourne is not my home. Never was and never will be.

--Nites---

The awakening of the maternal instinct...

2008-10-29T14:38:00.006+11:00

Between cramming in clinicals, DD a prac test and a allergic reaction to what I think is caused by my relentless consumption of iron tablets and salmon oil together, I still managed to find the time the day dream (per usual)

Yday before going to bed, I watched an episode of Private Practice. And... adison
(wish i cld get her as my doctor) delivered babies as normal. Thing is , that whole episode revolved around babies and family..

I gladly smiled and fell asleep quite soundly. Around 3 am I woke up to a feeling of intense pain and realized that i was sweating like crazy.. yes yes.. as you guessed, i dreamt i was in labour.. out of all things in the world.. ME... GIVING BIRTH .. ARGH!!!

All i can remember was me in a bath tub, there was a lady in white (nurse perhaps), a pretty hot doctor and a vague image of a guy ( i persume that's the baby's father.. but u see they always are blurry in these dreams). I was having a freaking water birth. It really did freak me out.

For starters, Im not even near that zone and birth literally scares me. I like the kids part but not the growing fat through 9 months and then going through all tht pain (hence I always support adoption). But yday, for the first time, it hit me that this is something I may just have to go through and I can't really evade it if it happens. The water birth sparked a sudden interest in me and my inquisitive nature led me to do a google search on it. To my delight, I found out that it is indeed a great way to give birth and it reduces the pain felt. Besides that, it brings the baby into very familiar surroundings as the womb is filled with fluid anyway.

Thanks to my dream... now I am actually embracing the idea of having my own kids someday and definitively water birth (trust me, I ll make the guy get in the tub with me :P )
Sometimes, messages come to you in the strangest away... i guessed my maternal instict has been awakened.

Don't we all wanna fall into this state of mind :)

2008-10-25T21:54:00.001+11:00

The A.B.C of love in the 21st century.

2008-10-25T20:58:00.002+11:00

Being a 20-something woman who lives in world where dating is no hush hush matter, the questions of marriages and love do come up frequently in every other conversation. If its not friend A breaking up, it s friend B having a crush on a guy... or friend C getting married !!
In recent months, Ive noticed most of our conversations revolve around the fact that there are virtually no high quality good men available and utter ridiculous dating habits. Then you get an email from a good friend saying... "I've found him.. ive found Mr. Right". All i can think is.. how the hell did you survive the single scene/ How did dating help you both find each other/ When can i check out of this ridiculously mind consuming game...

See thing is, in my opinion love ain't just falls from the sky no more. There is no boy meet girl, they fall in love and get live happily ever after. It just aint that simple. In today's dating game, the stakes are higher and the equation is no more a mere plus and minus.
My girlfriends and I have spoken about this countless time... n we , women of this 21st demanding century and no longer in need for men to complete us... we want man to be equal partners, to work together to build a life. Some mandatory requirements include :

1. Looks.. looks..looks.. ( there's no need for a brad pitt look alike... just a presentable fellow)
2. Financially secure.. a 100k job wouldnt hurt :P
3. No mummy'sboy.. if we wanted a baby, we would have one.
4. Metrosexual.. bring on the prada, versace, ted baker .
5. Humourous... a Denzel Washigton may be good in bed, but Russell Peters will work better in the long run

and the list goes on...

Speaking on the other side of the ocean , men are no better. They require hotness.. hotness and more hotness... They too want financially independent woman these days. Hence its all a tick for tack.

People are just more open to things to the point that they are no able to settle for something.. there's always the thought, " What if something better comes along ??? "
I would not deny that I can be picky.. but over this past year where I really began to sus out what Im looking for in a man, I believe the more I date, the more things i discover about myself and my taste in men. It also has tested as to how far Id push my principles.... and yeah I seem to be fairly liberal.
Dating has been fantastic, from single cooporate men, to doctors, to divorce hotties...there's a sea of men to date, but not a fish to settle for.

So the dilemma never ends... you can date and date and keep wondering when will you head to that checkout !

Is mani/pedi the new orgasms of 2000's ??

2008-10-17T17:59:00.002+11:00

Ok the title itself gives it away..yes yes I did have a mani and yes yes I did get arouse.. heheh :D

So my blog may not be the most child-friendly blog.. but hey at least I live out in the open and embrace my sexuality as compared to the dozens of women out there who are too embarrasses to even say the word orgasm..

I was in such an overdue of a mani. My nails were beginning to chip of and the sight of it was just awfully disgusting.. long, and unkept. Hence I thought, since it was my last day to a what I can only say a fantastic 2 years at the Eye n Ear hospital.. i ll treat myself to a little mani..

I got all comfy in the chair and in fact I was quite excited about it. The last time i had mani , the feeling was incredible and I was indeed looking fwd to it. The feeling of getting pampered plus a nice massage into my fingers and toes with hand/feet lotion send tingles through my spine.... all I did was shut my eyes and bit my top lip... the feeling was so incredibly sensational , yes it was just or maybe even better than an orgasm ( coz they take much longer to massage ur feet and hands)

As Carrie n Samantha did say, treating and pampering urself to a good mani/pedi or even a hair cut ( when the hairdresser washes ur head and rubs his hands through ur scalp... awwoooo!!) u definetely are left in a state of arousal.. well who needs a man. All i need to do is regular visits to my manicurist and my stylist.. the bonus of it all I feel great and look great at the end of the day ( with sex its just feel great, you don't necessarily look great)

Oh well... as a single woman who embraces every bit of her womanhood... rather than one-night stands and occasional flings.. i rather turn to pampering myself and sqeezing out as much pleasure as i can get from tht.. (no STD'S or babies to think about :D)

Scrambling that rubble to find that "perfect" life..

2008-10-15T19:40:00.002+11:00

While having my hot coffee, 2 slices of fruit loaf and the papers ( e-version mind that) in front of me, I scanned through its articles and a piece on Obama did catch my eye.

Hailing from a rather mediocre background, this man may just be the ONE.. that defies all odds to become the first Black president in the history of the USA. It was a dream he had, and a dream that seems almost his today. It probably took a lot of effort and strength and perseverance to be in the position he is today.

It got me thinking, for Obama, this may be his perfect life.. Standing up there in Capitol Hill, taking the oath of presidency in front of the whole world.. heck it , he ll be the most powerful man in the world for crying out loud.

Everyday, i search for that perfect life. I walked down the shopping centers to look for that perfect outfit, I would not leave the house till my hair is perfect, I need to have my accessories up to date.... everything boils down to getting things perfect in your personal context.

It is the time of the year again where the E word takes on my life. My mind tends to wonder a lot in these days. What I have been up too recently, is try understand or plan out what my perfect life should be. I know I want that absolutely perfect job in WHO in Geneva.. now to get it, I need French, I need experience and I need knowledge.. so I am working on getting all 3 of it.
On the other hand..my search for the perfect guy is up too..smart, sexy, romantic, sweet, kind.. bla bla bla...
I try fit in the idea of my perfect career, perfect guy, perfect family in my mind.. and its one task that drains the hell out of me. Movies, songs are a mere camouflage of the perfect life...

I am tired ... I am exhausted.. I just wish i could kick back with a cocktail and let perfect happen... but for now I shall always wonder ...

When will the search for the perfect one end ???

Live and Learn

2008-10-09T08:41:00.003+11:00

" History repeats itself"

How true is that ? Though we have been through certain things i life, yet we jump into it again only to realize that the same mistake has been made.

I believe for a lesson to remain enact in a human, a mistake has to be made 3 times. Or 1 time with severe consequences.

In life, why are we always looking for that something.. if its not a great boyfriend, then it s a great career or a great house.. when will searching for the ONE be DONE.

You think as you grow older your decisions are more sounds. But sometimes i do feel, did we get it right all along in high school, when innocence were part of us ?

The world out there is harsh.. and it order to survive it with a mere contentment, you have to be cruel to be kind. To some, I may appear to be someone who makes decisions at the jump of the heartbeat and gets easily swept away by flowers etc.. yea that is true ( which girl isn't), but I also believe you have to be IN it to know that you wanna be OUT it.

On another note, this city Im livin in is full of cute, successful men. I gave my heart completely once, and yes that is one mistake I shall not make again. I can give you my time, but not my heart. Not till I know you are worth my love and that is a hard one to fullfill.

As much as i love my light, low fat food.. I think Im gonna go on a low fat rship from now on..

LIGHT SIMPLE TASTY

@dios !

Lost in my thoughts

2008-10-07T01:10:00.002+11:00

When you have it all,
Why does it feel like you have nothing,
When you love something so much,
Why can't that be yours,

Why is the laws of the universe so harsh,
Why do humans go against humans,
When love is all you need,
To put the pieces back together.

As I stare at the girl in the mirror,
I ask, Who is this ?
Do I recognize her ?
Where has she gone.

From poets, to romance suckers claim that you know when its right,
That is equivalent to " A happy ending",
It is a fantasy that you can just hope to catch in your dreams,
Never existed, Never will.

As I shut my eyes tonight,
I know Ill miss you deeply once again,
The length of time does not matter,
The impact you etched in me does.

>>> Missing u so very much tonight. If only time and space was not an issue.

What would it be 10 years from now ?

2008-10-04T18:55:00.002+10:00

This coming week will mark my official last week at university. Only exams left before i take that plunge into the working world and put my skills and knowledge to the test.

It got me thinking so much about what I want and where I want to be in 10 years from now. I realize I am an extremely ambitious individual. I aspire to be so many great things. Up till now, I have received everything I aspire for.
Falling into a comfort zone is what I fear the most.
Settling is no word in my dictionary.

Hence I developed a creed for myself.. I call it the Book according to Stephanie Louis.

Chapter 1 vs 1:1

10. Always aim to bring SEXY back.
9. Style & Elegance
8. Persuasive- Be Scrappy.
7. Work hard & Persistence
6. Confidence
4. Develop a positive attitude
3. Dream BIG
2. Be Your Own Miracle.
1. LOVE GOD

-- On another note.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my dearest dad and my lovely sister.
I wish i could be there to celebrate this very special day with the both of you. I thank God everyday for blessing me with 2 amazing people that will always be treasured in my heart of hearts.

To my dad : May this birthday be just the beginning of a year filled with happy memories, wonderful moments and shining dreams. You have sacrificed a great deal for the both of us, and we will always appreciate everything you've done for us all through our lives. You've made things easy and comfortable for us. Most importantly , you provided us with valuable lessons that we will carry throughout our lives. Love you always..

To my sister : Wishing you all the fun and excitement that only birthdays can bring.
I know how much you love celebrating birthdays. I truly wish i can be part of it, but no matter what I'm always there with you in spirit and prayer. I hope you savor in each birthday during your childhood as these are the memories that will walk by you through life. As your sister, I love you very much and will always be there for you.

Love,
Steph

One step at a time

2008-09-08T19:36:00.004+10:00

My days have been spent lazing around my lounge room, listening to lectopia.. eating.. sleeping... chatting..eating again.. more chatting.. i feel so incredibly lazy..

Nevertheless, over this past week, i've really gotten into this whole chatting thing. It kinda wonderful to look foward to talk to someone. My usual routine starts off at about 12 pm with me chatting to him and it goes on right till 5, while we do our work... then continues from 8 pm till 2 or 3 am

It's amazing how me and ( well he is gonna be Mr.X-tall) Mr.X-tall connects. I am actually looking foward to return to Melb to meet this TDH guy.. heehe

Well for now it s all one step at a time :P

Where is my midnight man ??

2008-09-04T01:42:00.001+10:00

It's so Surreal !!

2008-09-03T02:09:00.002+10:00

OMG..i can't believe im on msian soil..

It's been Day 2 and yet it still have to pinch myself. The last I left home, i programed my mind that I will only come back to this land after a year. But to much surprise Im back after just a mere 2 months.

In a way I am glad. Though I came back in such unfortunate circumstances, Im still BACK !!

Im getting better and I really would like to thank everyone for their concerns and well wishes. My good friends in Melb have been so awesome ( HY, YZ, WL, & SK). Thanks so much for everything guys... without ur support I would have been really down..

From this experience I have realise that we cant always plan everything. Things crop up very unexpectedly in life. Today im here , tomorrow I may be there.. life is so UNDEFINED.

I hope i recover and that too quick and completely. As what my dad said " home is the best medicine.. so now u just rest. "

I thank God everyday for such amazing parents that do everything in my best interest. I also am very blessed to have the financial capacity to just fly back whenever. Family is the most important thing in life.. and Im sure with them around , Ill bounce back in no time..

It's late but I have been sleeping for the past 12 hours.. I shall retired to bed AGAIN.. as I have an early date with the ENT specialist

Ciows.. and thanks to all :)

Let's get giggy with ABBA :)

2008-08-24T14:52:00.003+10:00

Mama mia is back !!

The glitz and glam of the Ball

2008-08-21T01:12:00.006+10:00

F.A.N.T.A.S.T.I.C

Tht's how I'd sum up the ball last night. The atmosphere was so awesome. People were great, everyone looked so incredibly gorgeous. It was all so overwhelming.

It was my first pharmacy ball and indeed my last one. Now i regret not attending all the previous year's Ball's ..

The whole night was indeed magical. And I think what makes it very special is having fun with your good friends. Dancing to tunes from the 80's with my closest uni buddies was a perfect end to my 4 year undergrad. The energy and laughter is one which would etch in my memory for years to come.

All in all I had an awesome time !!! wohoo !!

The attack of the damn BUG

2008-08-12T16:46:00.003+10:00

Just as my motivation soars to get this diet on the roll and get back into shape.. I had to come under the attack of the flu bug.

Day 2 of my diet and i was coughing away like there's no tmrw. I was sitting in a pile of tissue paper, in my bath robe looking no less than pathetic. I just hate the flu. You're not that sick till you can't function, but you're sick enough to stay home from work and be of no use.

My body works like a magic clock in terms of getting the flu. Every August , without fail for the past 3 years I have been sick. It's like my body tells the germs in the air... " hey, it s August.. We've given her a break for a year.. time to invade friends". And before i know it.. Kabum!!!! I'm sniffing the night away.

It's times like this where I truly appreciate Alexander Fleming for stumbling over penincillin.. the only weapon that would get rid of these bugs. Of course , when Im cramming my head full of AB info... i despise it and curse their very existence.. but oh no.. when im sick, I run to their aid..

Coming from a pseudo-medical family, I have been granted the opportunity to self-treat. My mum packed me a good supply of all types of AB ranging from penincillins, to bactrim, to cephlosporins.. one for each disease that I frequently come under. And of course, being a pharmacy student.. i managed to obtain some good ol decongestants with absolute ease.

Right now , I have about a million things that I know i should be doing. But .. im SICK !!!

So i ll just stay in bed.. put my warm robe on, sip on lemon tea and watch desperate housewives
( I did say I can still function :P ) ..

Toodles...

and Back to the regular showing...

2008-08-01T21:17:00.002+10:00

So I'm back in melb after 7 long weeks away. 4 of which was fantastic (in Msia) and another 3 in Traralgon ( not so great but bearable). Though Melb has been my home for the past 4 years i find it hard to utter the word "home" when i refer to melb in any of my casual conversations. I guess my body may walk the streets of melbourne, but my soul still resides in Klang.

Enough of sentiment talk...now this is the dawn of my last sem... last.. did i say LAST semester of pharmacy. Im quite glad to be frank. I can't wait to put my skills to the test and see the all the hard earn cash rolling in.

I have a few things lined for me this semester. The first challenge on my "to do" list is to get into shape.. and i dont just mean loosing weight.. i want steamy hot.. curvy ..mariah type bod. All that holiday fat has to just GOOOOO!!!

Now to achieve that I would require a lot of discipline.. which I greatly lack in. I got a dear buddy to motivate me and keep my spirits high when my cravings for a chocolate mud cake soars high. I started my 21-day DIET plan... guys and girls.. this is not a FAD diet. It's highly recommened by nutritionist and dietitians in Australia.. and from trials, if you stick to the plan, the weight would drop.. of course with exercise as well.

The key point to loosing body fat is to have greater output of energy than input. Meaning the fat intake should be wayy less than the fat output. By doing this, your body will tend to use up your natural fat stores to offset the energy difference. And WALAH ... THE FAT IS OFF!!

So Im gonna use this blog as my journey through this next 3 weeks. I have stocked my fridge up with carrots.. cucumbers, rock melons to snack on... hopefully i can tahan not having the occasional chocolate chip cookie.

To me, it s not just about loosing weight and looking awesome. It s about being fit, and feeling healthy.

Today marked my first day into my diet.. I had muesli for breakfast, 3 pieces of walnut bagguete and ham for lunch and tuna, egg salad for dinner. I snacked on 2 pieces of kiwi fruit and some cheerie tomatoes. I feel good.. and happy that I indeed succeed today and am looking fwd to tmrw.

I shall be heading to bed soon.. yes yes i know it s only 9.30 pm but from today my bed time is 10.00 pm and I shall be up by 6.00 am for a run...

Till next time..

The Superwoman... yes I am :)

2008-07-26T01:47:00.003+10:00

There is superman, batman, spiderman .. all man. Well get ready men ... it's time for the women to clinch the super title for once.

Women need not wear tight underwear outside their clothes to demonstrate their heroic strength. Neither do we need to fly places to solve crimes or climb unimaginable heights to save the city. All we need is our confidence, and inner strength.

Women wear a big red "S" on their chest.

In my life, I am indeed trying to find that superwoman in me. Many things have happened in my life which has moulded me into becoming that superwoman . Now more than ever, I feel confident bout myself, my decisions and my future.

Living alone and moving out of home has been the best thing I have done for myself. I know it seems crazy to come to that assumption, but I am a better woman for it. The strength that I have gained emotionally is so great, no amount of experience in Malaysia would be able to compensate for it. Independence and sense of responsibility has taken on a deeper meaning in my life.

A tough relationship , with many ups and downs did add to the rich experience and made me all the more mature than what I ever imagined I could be. Making new friends and leaving old ones were just as tough .

As I take my final walk as a student, as a dependent of my parents, I can only look back with a smile for all the experiences that I have gained. All the misery, tears, laughter and joy has given me a sense of confidence to a point where I can say " Yes.. I am going to be alright in life". This should not be confused with arrogance, but just confidence that even If i fail or go through anymore downs, I know I 'll be able to whisk out it.

I believe I am still looking to find the better part in me.

My only focus in life right now is getting a kick start in my career, working towards a " oh ur so hot" image , travel ..... men can hop on board for a ride but I'lll drive and stop the car whenever it suits me .. :)

Till next time ..

Here I go AGAIN !!!

2008-07-20T04:26:00.002+10:00

So.. im back in boring ol' melb..

Its 430 am and I can't sleep. I'm feeling soo... ARGH !!!

Day 2 of me being in Melb has come and gone.. and what did I learn ???

>>>> Out of sight, out of mind !!

One day of calls and sms'es and then none.. stop... gone !!

Who is the fool in this ?? It's not like I did not see this coming. After all that was the deal... "just friends". ( Man how i hate those 2 words)

Well... I think i HAVE to sleep now.

ps : Steph is not looking fwd to rural placement... im not a country girl ok !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The times for goodbyes...

2008-07-14T04:13:00.004+10:00

Selamat Tinggal..
Au Revoir..
Sayonara..
Cioa..
Shalom..

So long to all my friends who have indeed taken a keen interest in making my holidays as memorable as possible. If I could describe my holidays, no words could match up to it except that it was FANTASTIC X 10

Reconnecting with all my friends has been the highlight for me esp since I would not be home for a while. Thank you so much for making time out of your busy schedules to keep me entertained.

I am really gonna miss every single one. To Carina, you've actually not only given me an absolutely fantastic holiday, but also taught me a thing or two about love and men. Your're the woman!! I hope i can gain your strength someday.

Joanne, Joo Li and Intan.. my gals.. Im gonna miss you fellas so much. I'm so glad that everytime we meet, there is so much of laughter, happiness and a connection that is so damn awesome.

I shall miss Mr. X. I really would. It's sad tht things cannot materialize, but that's life eh ?? Just not meant to happen. Im glad i got to spent time with you however short it was and thanks for all the incredible times. Will be missing you too...

Last but certainly not least.. im gonna miss my family big time. Im gonan miss the laughter, and the closeness.

Till next time...

Gees.. why can't stop one ??? I have to go to bed soon.. got ba ku teh tmrw morning with Miss Carina ( official shopping and food guide for my holidays )

okok .. sigining off..

Adios :)

Just Say It.

2008-07-14T03:33:00.002+10:00

Take all of your wasted honor.
Every little past frustration.
Take all of your so called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations.

Say what you need to say.

Walkin' like a one man army,
Fightin' with the shadows in your head.
Livin' up the same old moment
Knowin' you'd be better off instead

If you could only...Say what you need to say

Have no fear for givin' in.
Have no fear for giving over.
You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much, than never to say what you need to say again.

Even if your hands are shaking,
And your faith is broken.
Even as the eyes are closin',
Do it with a heart wide open.

Say what you need to say

Say what you need to, Say what you need to...

Say what you need to say. don't hold it back as you may not get this chance again

And the saga continues..

2008-07-07T04:57:00.003+10:00

It's 3am..

I can't sleep.

I'm so disturbed. I vowed never to fall into this trap again, but yet i did.
Why do I always fall for the unavailable ?
Why doesn't my heart open to the available folk?
Where do I misread the signs?

Sure you say you feel the same. But.. there is always a but..
If it's not time, its space that comes in between.

Life is so complicated. Everything I desire deems to be out of my reach.
Yes, I knew it be a "mission impossible", but somewhere in my perky heart, I thought there would be a chance.

But I know it's all going to be good. It's not like there is true love. There's only disappointment, and a slightly bumped up heart.

On the happier note, I did find myself a good friend. Maybe Mr. X is right afterall.
What good can come out of a 2 months a year relationship?

I should have known better.
Oh well, only time will tell. I guess I am going to CHECK OUT from the whole dating scenario for a looong looong time.
It's too hard.

I hope you find yourself that "ideal girl" you talk about. I wish you all the love in the world, and from here on we'll be friends.. and only friends..

Signing of with a mellow heart...

The Phuket Escapade

2008-07-05T12:09:00.007+10:00

Hey folks.. so the phuket trip is finally over. Back to good ol msia.

I had so much fun indeed. It was a really good trip. Family orientated ( if ya know what I mean). The whole area is so touristy. Not sure if that is a good or bad thing. Price wise, it can get real expensive. For the rest, it s quite nice and westernize. I'd love to go back again, but with friends this time around to hit the night clubs and sip on the nite life down there.

Phi Phi Island was indeed breathtaking. The caves, rocks and the entire set up was just so incredibly scenic. I am pretty amaze at the Thai's and how they behave. They can be damn sweet and very very nice ppl.. but, when you don't wanna purchase stuff from them they can be plain out rude. They also practice double std's in terms of treatment to public. The whites get better treatment than asians (which is obvious since they are the one who do not haggle) .

Next stop is the thai names.. damn they crack me up. Our taxi driver was called Bum.. imagine being called bum every single day. How sad. I know i should not be laughing at ppl's name/ cultures but just can't help it la... it s toooo hilarious :)

Food wise.. well i was a little disappointed. I was hoping for hot, spicy till my face goes red type food.. but instead I got all the mild chinese type food. Not that i do not like those, I just was looking for something different. The Thai's have indeed modified their food to fit the westerners taste.. what a bummer !!

Another thing which caught my eye was the Thai women. There were heaps and heaps of white guys with an "ugly" Thai women on their arms. Im not lying but these men seem buffed, handsome looking , but the Thai women they are with are all so OH MY GOD.. !!I came up with a theory saying maybe they can't afford the hot thai women. And if your in it just for the sex.. who cares about the face.. anybody would do as long as there is action :)

Now about the eye candy. Everyone was just ooozing with sex appeal. I did a little analysis on the hotties strutting around. From my careful observations I have come up with the following ranking of absolute hotness :

1. Americans
2. French
3. Germans
4. Brits
5. Australians

Sorry to say.. but aussies are waaayyyy out. The blonde, disheveled , surfer boy look ain't that hot anymore. Americans on the other hand are just oooooozing with sex appeal. Their bodies were like WOW !! their accent is like hot hot hot and their style is incredible. (Now i wish i choose USA as my study destination)

Well tht's all for now.. I've put up some pics on FB. Hope to go to Phuket again soon with some good friends..

Signing off to lunch......

The post-date blues

2008-06-30T01:48:00.004+10:00

Ok.. so I have a story.. its scandalous.. emotional... annoying.. and frustrating all at one go.
For the purpose of this story.. i shall refer to this person as Mr. X ( I'd use BIG but i don't think he fits into a BIG category.. and im not sure if Im Carrie enough)

So Mr. X and I met.. usual boy meets girl thingy. He is great bla bla bla. Our rship was more cyber than anything else (considering that Im right down south and Mr. X lives somewhere on the equator).

Indeed the time came and we finally broke the mystery behind those chat boxes. It was a pleasant surprise. No disappointments etc. Im a woman who has been on a substantial amount of dates to rank this one as one of the best.. problem is...WAS THIS A DATE ???

That has been bugging me like maddddd since i came back from it. I have not dated "this breed" of ppl in a while to make a call as to whether im progressing in the right track or not. Men down south are more open.. clear cut and you sure hell know ur on a date by the end of it ( the good night kiss .. if you weren't already guessing).

The post date is indeed the horrifying part. It's like waiting for a verdict from the jury. You're either sentenced to REJECTION.. or proceed to the next level. And boy.. i hate this feeling.
Will he call ? will he not.. bla bla. You say to yourself.. it s not like a care.. but it doesn't always turn out that way. The brave front, whatever attitude can come down.

Ok back to me then... So Mr. X did SMS post date. Mr. X did indicate a possibility of a second meet up. The term chosen "MEET UP" not date.

I guess it's just to hard to even guess what's going on in a man's head post date. Just gotta hope for the best.. and what i learnt is.. you only feel bit queasy for the first 24 hours. After that, its be like.. Mr. WhO ??

Well Im gonna be lazing on Katta beach in Phuket for the next one week. I'm sure by the time i get home it definetely be Mr. Who ?? Rumour has it, Phuket has a lot of hot gorgeous European men... Im definetely gonna get me some eye candy.. heheh

Till next week..

The Shopping and the City ..

2008-06-21T15:00:00.003+10:00

Oh don't you just love this time of the year when all you see as you step out of your oh so chic city apt is "SALES"..

yes.. my fellow women.. stock take sales have indeed dawned upon us in the southern hemisphere and Im guessing summer sales have spurred up for our women counterparts in the northern side of the world.

I went on a "mini" shopping spree in midst my exams as I just couldn't resists the sales. Besides that, using the excuse " I need to buy stuff to take home".. just makes me feel so much better about going.

I noticed my fashion sense and trend has indeed changed over the past year. For starters.. i have began to develop an eye for specialist designers (mm i think the pay cheques that come in every week have stimulated this new found love.. bad bad !! )
I too am in love with the whole retro sophisticated, jackie kennedy look.. man it s so chic, sexy.. and not to forget ELEGANT.. high waisted skirts and A line skirts are some of my top picks for this season.
Overalls are also in style and have indeed caught my eye.. matched with gorgeous oversized bags and patterned tights.. :)
The business look is another area Im so enjoying this season. Using interviews as an excuse for business wear shopping is not an excuse but alas.. Who cares!! .. its sure does help with the guilt !
Gorgeous shirts by Ralph Lauren or Tommy Hilfinger.. with a beautifully tailored pant suit with matching jacket from MNG.. are some of my great loves.
aaaa.. i can go on rambling bout clothes like.. FOREVER.. but i guess i gotta stop..
The clothes are all nice and good when its there to be worn.. but boy i hate the laundry. Sadly, that is what I shall be retiring to do now..

Adios.. till next time .. :)

Enjoy shopping !

The New age of Hedonism ..

2008-06-15T12:55:00.004+10:00

This is an article that I came across this morning while reading The Star. It actually does sum up the lives and times of the 20-something Malaysian.

Welcome to the "fubu" era --- NO STRINGS ATTACHED !!

"A COUPLE of weeks ago, I picked up a new word, “fubu”, which, I was told, is short for f*** buddy.

A fubu is someone that you have a relationship with which is not committed, but if you want sex, he is there for you. But the fubu can be the partner of another person too. It was a gay friend who told me this and initially I thought it was common only in gay circles.

Recently I was told that fubus can be found in heterosexual circles too. I was told of 20-something girls who pick up men in clubs and, if they are in the mood, they bed them without blinking an eye. And later on, if either party is in the mood, they just call or SMS each other to fix a tryst.

And these are not the screwed-up kids from broken homes or who had suffered abuse and want to take it out against a society or system that failed them. These are well-educated young adults from good, stable middle-class families who lack nothing. They know what they want, they are aware of what they are doing, they know the consequences of sex with multiple partners such as the possibility of getting AIDS and other STDs or unwanted pregnancies (“I use protection” is the buzz phrase), but they throw caution to the wind and reach out to grab whatever that satisfies them, even if it is transient.

This is the new age in which hedonism and nihilism reign supreme. Morality has been tossed into the rear seat. Pleasure has taken over the wheel and is taking young Malaysians on a wild ride on the fast lane.

And I thought such hedonistic and amoral pursuits existed only in the West and Sex and the City.

My peers may, of course, call me a hypocrite. I confess that I am not overly proud of the hijinks (now, that’s a word from the 1980s) I was embroiled in when I was in my 20s.

But the way the fubus and good-time gals do their thing with such nonchalant abandon shocks even an old rogue like me. Perhaps I have become too conservative even as I am ageing gracefully and have become what young people these days call Ol' Skool but I grew up during a time when first there was love, then there was sex. Now there is sex, and then there is nothing.

Perhaps it is due to this age of instant gratification. We want things done NOW. We want to be satisfied NOW. And we curse the telcos and Streamyx when there is no service or when the downloading takes too long. What young folks want now is not just video on demand; it is sex on demand.

Parenting experts will tell you to instil good moral and religious values in your children from young, shower them with love and attention, spend time with them and guide them along the way to adolescence so that they will grow up to be responsible, mature and respectable adults.

Frankly, you still have to keep your fingers crossed and hope for the best because no matter how much care is taken when bringing up kids, some are bound to stray.

As a middle-aged father of three sons, the eldest of whom will soon reach puberty, I am really worried. Let me tell you about one of parenting’s worst-kept secrets – one of the greatest fears of modern parents is that their child may turn gay. Now you can add fubu to the list."

Ne-Yo - When You 're Mad

2008-06-14T17:50:00.003+10:00

Gees.. this song is stuck in my head..

I just had to post in on my blog (in between my mountains of clinical)

Enjoy !

D.E.N.I.A.L

2008-06-13T00:29:00.003+10:00

How often do we find ourselves in this state of mind ??

DENIAL is just one of the most common places we all let our selves slip into once in a while. Its the safety net to reality. It is the little shack that protects us from the violent winds. Or the little umbrella that we all squeeze under to escape the torrents of a thunderstorm.

Just as the saying goes.. all good things must come to an end. And so must the denial phase. The euphoria or "high" that it brings us must evaporate like mere alcohol on a litmus sheet.

I ended my state of denial today. It was as though the " Stephanie" who was floating up there was laughing at the " Stephanie" down on earth and going.... what the hell were you thinking ???

It's sad to realize that your hopes cannot be materialize but shall only disintegrate into ashes of dust. However, isn't it better to put a fullstop to all the dreaming and hoping and false happiness .. as at the end of the day you know nothing is going to happen.

Though I am sad to have snapped out of my denial phase, I am glad to have done it now rather than later. Getting hurt once again would be the last thing i ever want .. not this year at least. I tried get back into the game, but its too scary. It's waters that I am unfamiliar to play with. I loved my comfort zone.. i miss the coziness of it ( where i could hurdle up and sleep peacefully). I hate the unknown territory. I tried a few attempts to it, but it all failed. Maybe I'm missing something.. maybe im not doing it right .. maybe I'm just not ready.

Whatever it is, I am looking forward to this acquaintance. That is all I am hoping for right now. Let time take its course and unravel the mystery of my life.

Till then I shall leave you with a fav quote of mine :

" Denial (The Nile) is not just a river in Egypt, it s a freaking ocean"

-NiTZ-

Ish ...geram betul !

2008-06-09T19:48:00.003+10:00

Tis the season where im just all cranky .. moody... annoyed.. pissed off

It's like im on PMS 24/7. Perhaps I am indeed.. PRE MEMORIZING SYNDROME!!

All this memorizing is driving me nuts. From the tens and tens of disease states.. to countless no of drug coupled with their side effect profile and resistance.. argh.. I can't take it anymore !!

but on a happier note.. I have only 14days to fly back to ma home.. ma lovely home :)

---->Steph is falling asleep at her pc.. the effects of pcol is wining off.. shhhhh

And I have decided

2008-06-05T23:21:00.002+10:00

Well the time has come for me to decide the path I should descend on.. and the verdict is..

ROYAL CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL/CSL BIOTHERAPEUTICS

After much consideration and going back and forth I decided to take the challenge.. hell yeah, it s gonna be a hard.. hard.. year but I think I would be highly rewarded at the end of it all.

From this I have seen how God has worked his way in my life. I could only dream about attaining such a position when i first joined pharmacy.

Now that all my dreams and hopes are realizing before me, I see the challenges that the future holds. It looks promising alright, but scary at the same time.

Making this decision was the toughest for me yet. So many opinions and views were taken into consideration and I feel blessed to have such an opportunity to even have multiple considerations.

Stepping into this new chapter of my life appears to be very interesting. I can't wait to see what promise my future holds. Four years ago I would not even dream of such a thing. And today , all I can say is BRING IT ON !!

PS : A big THANK YOU to everyone who helped me make my decision. All your views/opinions are deeply appreciated.. special thanks to Mum n Dad for listening too all my wining every single day.. I hope this has made you proud of you little girl.. and yes Im not so little anymore :)

Love you guys .. ALWAYS !!

A tribute to HIM

2008-06-01T03:31:00.004+10:00

oh no.. the effect of caffeine plus powerade has really got me all hyper..

The season of "excruciating pain" to my mental status have arrived. The five letters i totally despise.. E.X.A.M.S.. yes my friends, its here and sorry if Im gonna be cranky, irritable, or just plain annoying. Remember it s not me talking, but the exams ok !!

I should be studying, instead im blogging.. DUH ! plus thinking and contemplating my future.. I think I have adopted a new name " Miss Im so Confused" . I do not know which job to pick for myself. Most people I know have never really been in this position. They get one offer and take that one. Now i find myself with multiple options.. all very appealing, equally real, equally challenging.. how the hell do I know what I want ??

I realize that what I choose and do will affect my future career plans,options and my life in general. Do you take the hot shot job ? Or go for the more regular one where you know you can be excellent in ? Complex .. to complex for a 22 to handle..and to think I was winging and winging that I could not ever get any good jobs here..

Indeed my past 4 years in Melb has been pretty exceptional. I would consider myself to be extremely blessed and lucky. And the main person I shall attribute all my success to is God.. without him where and what will I be ??

And that is why at 3.00 am , as I think about all my options, I know that he will somehow guide me in choosing the job that best suits me. Since YOU know me better than I even know myself, I have faith that YOU will guide me in making this decision. It's one where no one.. not even my parents ( who I use to so rely on) can help me make this call. So guide me..and Thank you..

A tribute to YOU..

My Jesus, My saviour,
Lord there is none like you,
All of my days,
I want to praise the wonders of your mighty love,

My comfort, my shelter,
Tower of refuge and strength,
Let every breath,
All that I am,
Never cease to worship you.

Shout to the Lord,
All the earth let us sing,
Power and Majesty praise to the king,
Mountains bow down and the seas will roar at the sound of your name,

I sing for joy at the work of your hands,
Forever I ll love you, forever I ll stand,
Nothing compares to the promise I have in YOU.

* Y.A.W.N*

2008-05-18T01:08:00.002+10:00

Geez... i couldn't be bothered with stuff anymore.
24 hours just ain't enough. Maybe Im not the best when it comes to time management, but this is getting bit to much. No time to blog.. argh !!

So it's been what.. 3 weeks. A countless list of things has happened. I dont even know where to begin. Well let me try sum it up as follows .

1. RCH was unpredicatable.. u think " kids= cute, fun hospital to work". Turns out only the kids are cute and the adults are * tutttt* ---- I had an alright time. It worked my ass off though. With confidence i can say, BRING ON THE INFUSION CALCULATIONS !!

2. Made an amazing new friend... IRENE.. geez im gonna miss tht chicka. She hails from a place that Ive be forbidden to reveal . However I truly cant wait for you to get ur ass back to good ol melb and we can rock the town together :)

3. Tis the season of job hunting... my official 2009 pre-reg position job hunt has been launched. Madly typing and sending off resumes every 2nd day.. just driving me up the wall. From the volumes of places that Im applying too, im just so worried that the wrong application will go to the wrong employer.. u know with me .. just about a zillion things can go wrong.. but God please help me be VIGILANT !!

mm so basically .. tht highlights wht's been happening. Nothing much really. My life has been brought down to two simple words ( according to a 6 year old cousin of mine)

SLEEP .. sLeep .. SleeP

OR

BUsy.. bUsy.. BuSy.. .

cioz.. signing off to sleep .. sleep .. sleep .. now hheheheh :)

Another Day, Another Drama

2008-04-25T13:04:00.003+10:00

So.. it s been a few days, eh ??

It has been LITERALLY the BUSIEST week ever. Assignments due all at once, debates etc etc.. but oh well Im looking foward to my 3 weeks @ The Children's ...gonnna be sooo fun !! Free Pediatric Pharmacopeia .. wohooo !!

Celebrated the dawn of a long weeked with my regular crew. aka Sam/Wen Li.. We discovered a beautiful little bar on Hardware Lane.. golden monkey.. awesome deco, and atmosphere but it sure does burst your budget. Nevertheless.. we went there for SOCIALISING... and guys.. we did socialise right ?? hehheheheh ..
The night continued one along of the Hardware's finest cafes VONS.. tiramisu.. oooo yummy.. steak.. even more yummier.. oh man I wish my family back home can enjoy this life that I have created for myself. I bet dad n mum would love to dine in these sorts of places. I truly can't wait to take my dad bar hoping.. and my mum restaurant hoping :).. good daughter or WHAT !!

Family is so important. I have not shared so many things with my family in a very long time. I feel in a certain way, they have failed to recognize me. In their eyes, im still the same 19 year old that left home. Unfortunately, that is not true. I have evolved so greatly in the past 4 years ( in a good way tht is :P ) I cant wait to share my life and experiences with them. I believe at the end of the day immediate family is what that counts. I come from and extremely close knit family... but guess what ??? A crack is streaking right up the middle. Oceans are separating us.. how much can internet or skype substitute for real life conversations.. Before I knew it, outsiders are trying to curb into our den and break us apart. I can already sense that happening... do I care ?
In a way.. yeah. I am defensive over my cousins as I love them a lot and will love to remain close to them. However, in reality that does not happen, eh.. They would spread their wings and fly..
I never was close to relatives who were older than me. Maybe the gap is bridging now, but then again people have their own lives.

Is it bad to be smart ??? another issue that seems to be bugging my mind over the last few days. When I was in school the more A's you scored, the more friends you sorta had. You are the cool person. But as you get older, people classify you as a N.E.R.D.. if you still keep up with the A's. Well this is in my mind is UTTTER BULLSHIT.. I realised that in order to look cool with the msian society of youngsters, you have to :
1. Club on weekends
2. Be adequately prep'ed with sufficient cash ( from FAMA'S indisposable cash petite)
3. Have popular friends or soon to be "wannabe's"
4. High alcohol tolerance
5. A flashy car wouldn't hurt(obviously this would be provided by FAMA again).. etc etc etc..

Look at it.. just take one good hard look at the list. Ok so where would it take you in life ? In your 20-30's you'd be riding with fun if you're safe on all 5 counts. When you're 30 plus.. does any of that matter anymore ?? It's how much ur cashing in at the end of the month. No FAMA anymore. And that is when the rise of the N.E.R.D.S will began...
remember N.E.R.D.S are like caterpillars. Once they hit they're target they become gorgeously, untouchable butterflies.
Imagine you bump into an A class nerd when you're 37.. He/she is looking fab. An LV bag perhaps.. Gucci shoes.. DKNY dress.. her appearance it self is worth a million bucks. She steps out from a BMW 7 series.. smiles to you and go... hey !! long time no see..what are you up too??
And. all you can say is.. mmm I ve landed with an oh so regular job.. ran out on FAMA cash.. married with 3 kids and looking oh so drained..
Now folks who is having the last laugh :)

I have met many shallow minded people who has passed remarks such as " Oh, you're in Monash.. haha that is where the nerds go. or you still get HD's .. you must be studying 24/7"
All this are just talks of the insecure.. the joke around the ur in monash , u must be a nerd is.. that dude, did not even complete his degree in one go. Repeated and failed many times. Just because he is drinking every weekend and living the "So call cool lifestyle" does not give him the right to even make that comment to anyone.

Well for now, I rather be getting my HD's .. having my usual nights out with my regular crew which i enjoy very much, decent with sense conversations and waiting.. just waiting for the day when I can BITCH SLAP.. all the loosers right to their faces.. Oh, the day will come. I can smell the aroma of it already in the air.

We'll see who has the last laugh then ..WAKAKKAKKA !!

2008-04-20T11:56:00.003+10:00

Many thanks is in lieu overdue..

This post is dedicated to all my wonderful friends who celebrated my 22nd with me. Im sorry for not writting up in advance, but as you have presumed my mind was full of "dysfunctional issues"

It's clearing up and Im coming to my senses...

Thanks guys for picking stuff of my list..

Im dancing to tunes with the RED HOT ipod..
I absolutely fell in love with my I LOVE MELB TEE..
Im deeply touched by PS: I love you
I look gorgeous in the necklace..
I smell oh so extremely seductive in Baby Doll :P
I indulged in the mixture of alcohol + chocolates.. what could be better

last but not least... Im looking foward to that holiday by the beach & the new laptop.. A trip down to Phuket Thanks Mum n Dad.. cant wait to c u guys in just .. just 2 months.. for a legen.. wait for it.. DARY TIME .. !!! WAKAKAAA.

All in all.. I love you guys heaps..

Thanks..

How To Be Friends With Your Ex

2008-04-19T16:00:00.001+10:00

To be or not To be

2008-04-19T15:52:00.004+10:00

Not that Im even trying.. but i did find this piece however. Written extremly well with a tinge of with and humor from my fav blogger.. Samantha Brett of the Sydney Morning Herald Blogs..

This is what she think of "THE EX ISSUE"

"The problem with romance is that it doesn't always deliver the goods," the latest issue of Time magazine says. And boy, don't we know it! Break-ups, make-ups, game-playing, cheating, lying, clandestine sex (and video tapes to prove it) have all aided in giving modern love, sex and relationships one mighty bad wrap.

Add to that the ubiquitous trend of so-called new serial monogamy in which "till death do us part" has been replaced by "till someone better comes along" and it's easy to see why most of us have experienced the wrath of a gut-wrenching break-up that propels us onto our emotional death-bed ...

The trouble is that all the hurt, tears and pain don't stop there either. Imagine that, after a few days, (or months if it's really that bad), you finally manage to get off your tear-sodden sofa for a night out with your mates, only to spot your ex in the corner of the pub ensconced in a passionate embrace with their new fitter, blonder, better-looking date, barely even taking a break from their tonsil-hockey to notice your new haircut!

Yep, suffice it to say that "break-ups hurt like a motherf------", as Greg Behrendt, author of It's Called a Breakup Because it's Broken, muses in his bestselling no-nonsense break-up guide. And thank goodness for that because it seems 'tis the season of exes.

It's no wonder we can't get over them either considering that, in the age of technological advancements, a lazy nip online can give you more ex-information than you ever bargained for.

Add to that all the Facebook poking (only to discover compromising pics of your ex and their new flame and lovey-dovey messages on their Wall), Google-stalking, driving past their place at midnight (by a friend of mine who shall remain nameless) and it's not difficult to see why our exes are infiltrating our lives more than ever before.

Should you get your ex back?

"Everyone wants what they can't have," is a cliche that I'd like to believe is complete and utter bollocks. Unfortunately it's been proven time and time again (especially on this blog) that it's not such a batty statement after all. Especially when it comes to love.

When we've got it in the palm of our sweaty hands, we can take it for granted, toss it to one side when something more exciting comes our way and discard it like last night's dinner when we feel we'd like to "find ourselves" without a partner (and all their irritating quirks) standing in our way.

But suddenly we find ourselves desperately wanting them back. We can't sleep, eat or believe we'll live without knowing that we've done everything in our power to win them back. The trouble with it all is that getting back an ex is no easy feat. In fact, if they've moved on or you've broken their heart, it's near damn impossible.

The solution? Reader Scorpio has come up with something that's either the most darn romantic I've ever heard of, or the most hopeless. Either way, his story is this:

"Until very recently I had been going out with a lovely girl for roughly five months. It hadn't been easy as she had just came out of a really destructive relationship that ended in divorce and I had trust/confidence issues due to a past relationship which lapsed into irrelevancy. There was also the minuscule issue of age and a difference in culture. Our insecurities usually collided and it created a lot of arguments; most of which I actively and regretfully instigated.

"Anyway she broke up with me. It is strange as you don't acknowledge how unprepared you are to face the world when someone you truly respect rescinds their love for you.

"I wrote her a letter as the hurt was too intense to talk about with her directly. In the letter I displayed a time, date and location to meet me at if she wanted to give things another go. What made the letter so unusual was that the above arrangement is set almost six months from now. So I have given her the option - whether she is inspired by my change as a person or even remembers the details is really up to her. There is also the situation where she doesn't want to attend as she may just want to start a new page or could even find herself in a new relationship.

"It is an interesting concept that I want to give a try. Even if I find myself the only one who manages to show on the day, I can at least walk away with my head held high knowing I followed my heart.

"I just wish we had both met at different times in our lives as the connection and prospect of having a great relationship was, and still very much is, there. Provided that we both go away and do what is needed to be better partners... Is there potential for reuniting? Or should I hang up the boots and move on?"

and Karma kicks us right back in the ass..

2008-04-18T16:37:00.004+10:00

OH MY GOD !! ..and i mean tht literally..

Jesse Spencer and he's bloody hot shot real life dr brother just walked through the doors of my office.

I can't believe... im shocked.. beyond words.. HE IS SO BLOODY CUTE & SAID HI.. .. TO ME !

I just stood there in awe staring at his defined muscular body, baby cute face, blue eyes while listening to his brother ramble on about not having an appropriate prescriber no. How nice.. a family that has a real life doctor.. oh wait.. 3 real live docs and a fake one :)..

Well there you go.. i said bye to one yday.. and guess who says Hi to me today ?? Is it karma or what...

Well whtever it is ..Im winning the breakup.. didn't I tell you to hold on 12 hours ago ! I don't backdown easily...
Wohoo !! steph's on fire, baby :)

2008-04-18T14:10:00.003+10:00

At work : 2.10 pm..

Made slight progression- No hp to work. No lunch time calls. Im tempted to, but im resisting.

Its good to be at work. I feel empowered, confident and loved.

Spoke to a great person today, whom I look up to greatly.. a highly sucessful individual. He was very encouraging and optimistic.

I gathered, If i met a great individual every day, or heard a great story, Im gonna dwell on that. Reflect each night to the words of wisdom and encouragement that these ppl have showered upon me. Why dwell in an individual who can't even spell the word embarrassment adequately???

Alright enought dwelling.. back to recall statistics.. or whtever that means !

So you think your winning the break up.. well HOLD ON !!

2008-04-17T23:45:00.003+10:00

Okay.. i get the deal here dude... u found a chic and moved on with your life.. I'm not in it so why should i care or be concern.. EXACTLY .. why should i care ??

Now at 11.56 am ( bucket load of tears, ice cream and a piece of yelling from my friend) I have decided to MOVE ON.. yes I'm stating it in writting boldly.. im MOVING ON!

Days of melancholy are gonna disappear before my very eyes.
Days of sadness are gonna melt away.
Days of endless tears are drying up.
Days of stress are evaporating..

What i see..

Sunshine on the horizon..
A full moon by the beach...
A fantastic career...
A circle of awesome friends..
And maybe.. just maybe.. I'll score with a way HOOOOTEEERRRR guy than you ever was.

This is the real deal and Im gonna do it. No matter how hard it is... its now or never. Walk out now before you wollow all the pieces of me.

I may be broken, in shambles, but I'll pick my trail up. I 'll pick every piece and mend it back on my own. Would not leave a trace of our very controversial past behind. Its OBSOLETE..

Tomorrow is the dawn of a new era... the rebirth of Steph.. the " I'm finally out of this severely dysfunctional rship".. and yes, im gonna have to hate you now for sometime, but in the long run, i wish you all the best and every bit of happiness in your life.

For now its *DELETE. BLOCK.*---I'm outta here !

ps : My blog may sound depressing.. sad.. but its gonna be a diary of my progression towards a new life and happiness. If any of you guys can hear the sound of genuine happiness piercing from my words.. let me know !

Oversaying it... Undersaying it !

2008-04-16T11:42:00.009+10:00

As you can tell, someone or something has triggered the annoyance button within me.. its days like this that I feel like running to the ocean and screaming my head off. Its horrible when people piss you off and yet feel no remorse for their mistake.

I LOVE YOU... what the hell does that word mean ? do you know.. well i think half the world doesn't seem to grasp the concept that this is a fucking serious word.. it s not a mere word that you just blurt out as and when you like..
Acc to wikipedia I LOVE YOU means : a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection or profound oneness. ...

Strong affection of profound oneness.. how much more clear must it be made. People these days just rant the word out for fun. for eg : Honey, Im going to the grocery, would u like anything ??? Ok bye.. i love you .. mUah ".. or " Sweetie, Im going to the bar with friends, I love you .. bye "
dOES your love one.. really need to be reassured every 10 sec that you love him/her.. The answer is NOOOOOO ..

Saying I love in this manner is just the tip of the iceberg that contributes to my annoyance of society. Saying I love you .. to merely play with a girl/guy.. just to dump him/her in the next few months is the ultimate worse. You can play.. cheat.. flirt.. whatever you call it.. just DON'T SAY I FUCKING LOVE YOU...until ur bloody sure you do.

How many of us, see our parents saying I love you every 10 seconds of the day. Honestly, I have not seen that, yet i believe my parents know that their spouse loves them more than anything in the world.. and guess what, those marriages are still going 25 years down the track. While couples who so openly say I love you about 55 times a day..in 4 years you see them screaming and saying I hate you just as much in front of a judge. Tht's the irony of all this shit.. young farts don't seem to give 2 hoods about the word and what it means. As long as by saying it , they get to enjoy some form of benefit ( getting laid 100% of the time).. they'll say it.. DAMN..stop.. killing the meaning of the word.. stop it now before it's too late to save its profound oneness for our future generations .

Ok .. so there goes my rant about oversaying I love you... now there is a severe shortage of the word " SORRY " in today's world. According to UN, in the next 10 years to come, it may even disappear the face of the earth .. so rationing has began...Maybe the first thing we should teach our kids is to say " sorry WITH MEANING " before learning how to say mama , dada.. gugu.. gaga.
Civilians to politicians to celebrities to royalties all stay away from the word SORRY..

People make mistakes on a daily basis, yet remorsitude is never part of the mistake making process.. it s more like " mm yeah i made a mistake.. wont do it again. cheers mate" .. I mean seriously,. what the hell is that ?? Say sorry.. look into that person's eyes.. cry if you need too.. just show them some bloody remorse. Humans have this big fat ego that prevents them from saying sorry.. when they do , they feel helpless and low. They are not dominant nor powerful. Ppl say I LOVE YOU .. so easily coz they obtain some benefit out of that.. however, with sorry you don't. Most of the time, ppl cant be bothered to save their rships, hence just move right along to the next one.. SORRY IS EVADED YET AGAIN ! ..

So there it is.. oversaying.. undersaying.. dude where is the fucking balance ???

Oi.. Oi.. Oi

2008-04-06T10:26:00.000+10:00

aaaaa... been so long since i last shared my deep, intellectual thoughts with the rest of the world.

I've had a pretty crazy 2 weeks. Took a trip to the Gold Coast ( trust me it is literally Gold i.e sunny and sandy :) I had a ball.. Surfer's was definetely the best beach I've been to date. Splashing in the crystal blue water with my mates was just simply awesome. What i realise was , the beach was soo pack, it IS a world top 10 beach.. but yet.. it s so clean.Not a plastic or paper in sight. If you compare that to the beaches in Msia, ( none which are world class, neither pack) yet they are soo flithy, perpetually disgusting. You have to claim temporary insanity to get into the waters of PD. A close aquaintance of mine who is a pilot, did mention to me once, then when you fly across PD.. you can LITERALLY see all the human waste floating in the sea... EEUUUUU ( tht's enough to put me of PD for the rest of my life)

So yeah.. besides the awesome beaches, we relived our childhood by paying a visit to movie world and wet n wild.. oh man those water slide rides was ****ing awesome !! TORNADO RULZZZ !!!!! i had such a blast, can't even describe it

Brissy was alright but the city gave me a shit of a time.. almost missed my flight due to their horribly disorganised transportation system. It reminded me too much of KL esp in the sense of pollution and disorganisation.. well at least I've eliminated one city to live in ( c that hardly comes by.. so thumbs up for brissy.. I don't ever wanna live there )

oi.. oi.. oi.. I went to the best restaurant the other day.. thanks to my dear Sam ( im sorry dude.. i didnt know the kitchen at EBC closes at 9 ). Anyway .. it was a little german hideout in the city. 3 words for it :

Exquisite

Delicious

Fun

I still don't know what's it s called.. some long complicated german name but the atmosphere was awesome.. the live band and singing OI.. OI .. OI and dancing made my night. Oh well actually that got my night started.. right Sam ??
Our drinking session which I only planned to go on MILD mode .. turned out quite the opposite.
Laughing while downing down pints of Hoegarden and Pinot Noir.. definetely got me into the jiggy mood. AHHH thanks for dancing with me yeah.. i know drinking is your forte, but it s fun right hehehhe.. ps : he's probably gonna kill me the next time around :P
It was indeed one of the best nights i had in ages.. sometimes it's jst so great to hang out with a good friend who can TALK ... HOLD DECENT CONVERSATIONS.. DRINK and of course.. BRING ME HOME SAFELY ..

alright .. tht prolly sums up my last 2 weeks.. now i shall hit the books.. *tsk tsk *

22 !

2008-03-24T22:36:00.000+11:00

It's the time of the year again !!

Another momentous year in my life book has gone by. I am delighted to welcome the 22nd year here on earth with a great BANG !!

I had adrenaline running through my veins today as I celebrated the day. Embarked on my first and super fiercesome rollercoaster ride in Gold Coast (SUPERMAN RIDE)... nothing could beat the 4.2 postive G -forces and a negative one that i experienced today.

All in all... good kick start to my 22nd.. can't wait to see what this year has install for me..may just be a roller coaster ride itself :P

wohoo!!!! AHHHhhhhhhhh!!!

Comedy Court - Two Indians on the Mountain

2008-03-17T17:36:00.001+11:00

Goodbye Sam

2008-03-17T17:35:00.001+11:00

Excellent one ! Samy.... should watch you tube man.

ELECTIONS Blah blah blah

2008-03-17T17:34:00.001+11:00

2008-03-17T17:14:00.000+11:00

HEAT...

Im virtually at boiling point.

Winter hurry up already .... wht's taking you so long?

2008-03-15T00:15:00.000+11:00

BIRTHDAY WISH LIST 08

yes .. yes.. it s the time of the year for me to be all vain and demanding once again. Afterall , it s the day i was BORN and you guys were blessed with such a amazing daughter, sister, cousin, friend.. (i know u are going.. "ish perasaan betul" )

My perception on a birthday is that one should celebrate and dwell in it.. feel so super special on that day .. because birth is a miraculous event and you OUGHT to celebrate this creation of God with all your accomplishments of course.

Every year on my birthday is like new year for me.. this is when my resolutions take effect and I set goals for myself. I use my birthday to celebrate the success, joys and happiness that i achieved the previous year and thank God The Almighty for all the blessings..

and of course in order to celebrate this joy of life.. presents and goodies are a crucial part.. hence i produce my yearly wish list ( to be completed and obrained by March 09) :

1.Ipod
2.Sony T70
3. Tommy Hilfinger apparels
4. Laptop
5. Wallet
6. Roxy's I LOVE MELB tee
7. Sport's girl tote
8. holiday to any where with a good beach
9. CK jeans..
10. clinque skin care range
11. Pilgrim white hot dress.. it s seriously hot :)
12. A birthday celebration with my family...

tht's about it... now i shall retire to bed in a delighted mood :)

2008-03-14T23:57:00.000+11:00

.. THE PICK UP

hehe.. i know this sounds so weird,but yeah.. pick up's ..was wondering what people think of it and how often do guys actually walk up to a random girl and go .. wanna catch a coffee??

I'm confident in saying that not many asian guys practice this but dont get me wrong.. i did encounter a few ppl from a "certain asian nation" who does do this.. but obviously they need to be taught the right way to go about it.. so that they wouldn't look so creepy and practically beg you to give your no.

I do like the professional way that some guys bring to it.. it leaves the woman feeling special, exhilirated ( obviously if you get picked up often then no la.). But for all those who are just venturing out into the mind field after years of being stuck in a monogamous rship, this can be your answer to regaining self confidence..it s awesome ! you don't have to say yes to every pick up.. even rejecting them is such a great feeling coz you get the sense of power to say NO.. and remember my fellow women.. it s OK to say NO.. not every guy who picks you up is Mr. Right.. well just enjoy it and embrace it :)

The Revolution.. the pick up.. the birthday wish list

2008-03-14T23:29:00.000+11:00

Oh wow.. March indeed has proven to be an exciting month.. haven't found time to blog in a while and in this short span of time so many interesting events has spurred up..

First.. my views on The Malaysian Revoloution 2008..
I think it s A.W.E.S.O.M.E.. coming from a family who is into politics, I have began to see the implications of peoples power and why is it important to vote and know about your country's politics. Finally Malaysians began to see beyond race and religion and was able to elect leaders with racial equity at heart to rule. To me , this is what being a MALAYSIAN is all about. There should be no distinction between our race or religion or skin colour..we are just plain old pure Malaysians !
Being away from Malaysia for sometime now does make me realise how much of deficiencies we have in our current system.. be it from education, judiciary and politics. Our policies are all so lop sided to a particular race and the wealth of the nation is not being distributed equally. So is the same with employment and business. This deeply saddens me as so many bright, young Malaysians who are overseas do not want to come back to Malaysia for this very reason.. and who gains ?? All the other nations like Spore, Australia and UK.. the brain drain is happening. If nothing is done, Malaysia will become a land of mediocore average people.. sorry to say this , but its true
Im quite excited to see how my state Selangor is gonna spur in the coming years... I have high expectations for the opposition and of course they should remember that they were put there by the people, hence serve people well. Im sure there will be tons of teething issues but it will be resolved and we can all rejoice in a transparent, fair and just government.. STEPH HAILS THE REVOLUTION.. MALAYSIANS BOLEH !!

It's been a while...

2008-02-29T19:27:00.000+11:00

Im finally finding time to blog..

Life has been hectic. Feel like there is No air, no space, no time. My final year of uni has daunted on me. I always used to look in awe at the 4th year students. They seem so smart, all ready to kick start their career, packed with knowledge and confidence. I am here now.. in the place and time and I look back at the first years and I do miss those days. We may appear to look all confident and knowledgeable, but in true fact, there is so much more to be learnt. The road doesnt end here, this year.

I' ve been constantly bombared with questions of my future career paths. So confused myself, not sure what path to take. There are so many exciting paths for me to choose. On Monday, I wanna be a International Health Pharmacist who serves in Africa... on tuesday, it s a hospital clinical pharmacist, on wednesday, a Pharmacoeconomist, on Thurs I wanna do medicine, on Friday.. pharmacy management perhaps ?? on sat and sun i just sulk over my confusion.... haiz...

I'm very fortunate that i have parents who I can talk too.. their advice always seems to make things so simple and clear.. as mum says..why all the confusion ?? Take one step at the time.. and PRAY !! " Oh, God.. please show me my path"...

mmm it s friday officially My HAPPY DAY OF THE WEEK.. im gonna retire to bed and look fwd to my packed weekend ( there is church, festival, fireworks and a dinner involve... how fun !! oooo maybe swimming too :) --- steph is excited !!

signing off

PS : Vote For A Change ... happy election weekend ppl...

A search that never ends.

2008-02-16T17:26:00.001+11:00

Valentines just went by ..

A day that does indeed muck up my mind oh so badly.. BUT indeed i stood rock firm

I may have broken a few hearts this valentines, but it s better to break now than later..

Why is love so confusing and complicated ? We seem invisible to the ones we want, yet so crystal clear to the rest ????

Maybe Im just to caught up in the whirlwind of romance... maybe i have to open up my eyes to the average joe.

Finding Mr. Perfect is a mission impossible, yet settling is one of the worst things one can do in terms of life choices.. so when do i stop finding for Mr. Perfect and open my eyes to Mr. Average Joe ?

signing off in a mellow mood...

Where has the romance gone ....

2008-02-10T12:14:00.000+11:00

Oh hell no !!

It's SUNDAY .. my beloved weekend has flown by so quick. I wish i could hold on to it and never let it go ( *sob sob* )

Pretty awesome weekend.. threw in some gym clothes shopping (believe me , even gym clothes are expensive), went work-shoe hunting (saw a good one but it s 110 aud.. keluar budget) , threw in a bit of pilates, yoga and weights.. and rediscovered the joy of romance..

Im a romantic individual who goes.. ahhhh whenevr i read mills and boons.. but lately I have given up on it. I view it as WHAT'S THE POINT ? Guys dont appreaciate it at all... has the mills and boons type romance been sucked out from the inhabitants of the twenty first century ??

These days guys dont show, neither do they even try to give women some good old fashion romance that we so desperately want. Its not about buying us an LV bag or gucci wallet.. it s more about the little things like opening a car door, pulling the chair out for us, ordering a meal for us first before your own ( guys have gone GREEDY these days) and so on.. Due to our over diversified lives and high profile careers, couples hardly have time to sit for a proper meal together let alone prepare one for each other. Romance these days takes place in the elevator while riding to work.. maybe in the train.. or the usual .. at a club.. but is this real romance or merely let's do it for the sake of doing it ?

I recently watched this movie called PS: I love you.. i know that sounds lame and to mushy for the average joe but hey... that's what we want.. WOMEN want that kind of love..the never ending, i ll always be with you, though u nag kind ( maybe I should go for an Irish then.. they sing, dance, and write letters ) . It s rare to find a guy who is willing to sit through such a mushy movie with a girl....

At the end of the day it all boils down to how happy and how much you want that person. Maybe family traditions kick in too. Research (acc to Steph et al, 2008) has shown that kids who see their parents being affectionate to one another are drawn to those traits..(see that's hard to come by too if your in an asian fly)

So to all my girlies out there.. YES U DO DERSERVE THE 1950'S STYLE ROMANCE.. afterall the 1950's fashion is back in style ( high waisted skirts etc etc).. and so is the romance.. don't settle for 2nd best.. coz "YOUR WORTH IT"

M@nIc w3eK !!

2008-02-06T00:53:00.000+11:00

Tired .. exhausted... im running on low fuel..

Oh God.. how do i get into a full time job next year ?? 9 to 530 seems near to impossible..

All I think of is FRIDAY ...when will thou arrive ??

Left over You...

2008-01-25T00:28:00.000+11:00

Why does being a grown up suck !!

Adolescent years are almost at the verge of expiry for me. Graduating this year means a hell lot for me.. so much responsibilities forseen over the next few months. You feel like age is catching up with you. Big decisions need to be made about life. It's the MAKE IT or BREAK IT point..

In today's world there are so many factors to consider before making a decision on where to live or what to do. Sure I love msia and all but it is really a good place for me to live ?? Can my future generations be properous in Msia ?? Can I be given my worthy RIGHTS as a Msians.. ??
All these questions remain cloudy in my mind.

I have come a conclusion that as great as malaysia sounds.. it s a good place to live ONLY if u have the cash to educate your kids overseas and live the life of the rich and famous. There is nothing for the average joe. What 's the point living in a developing nation as a second class citizen when you could be in a developed nation and treated as a first class citizen ??

I think i have made a choice to live here. Msia will always be my home but somehow unless someone can lure me back to Msia, im gonna stick around in Melb for a long long time..

well that's one decision out of the way.. next comes the career .. haiz... hate growing up but we all have too

A class of it's own

2008-01-21T17:05:00.000+11:00

Yes.. im back in Melbourne

Was a pretty good flight actually. I love the screw ups MAS makes.. coz it 's always to the customer's benefit. This time the story was that they had overbooked the flight, hence my business class adventure began. Quite shocking to see the difference in treatment ( i was always addressed as Miss Louis and they knew my name the second i walked in ) and quality between the two classes. I can rant on and on about the luxurious space. For once I did not come out of a flight with back aches, front aches and all aches.

Next the foood...it was heaven sent ( for plane food std)...i regretted having had dinner prior to the flight.. but who knew i was gonna fly business.
First came the satay.. beef , chicken or combo Miss Louis..??mmmmm
Followed by .. chicken rosemary , rendang and salmon fish.. oh boy..
Then came the chocolate mousse and cheese cake.. oh soo good..
Though i could merely stuff half of it in, the sight of it all with silver cutlery and gorgeous napkin just enticed me.

For all you who takes delight in alco, business is a sure haven for it. I started of with a glass of champange on arrival follwed closely by a dry maritini and ended with a JD. That hit me off to dreamland.. oh wait.. did i forget to mention that a cute, hunky parisan was seated next to me.. Mr Jaques. See even the ppl are much cuter and hotter in business class :)

The advertisements for business class n first do state " A CLASS OF ITS OWN" .. indeed it is. As a business class rookie, it was the most enticing flight of my life and I can't wait for the next MAS screw up .. hehhehe

Not a good bye.. but a perfect ending !

2008-01-19T03:44:00.000+11:00

and it's time to leave...

sigh.. how quick have my holidays have come to an end.. it seems so abrupt. To think that 6 weeks have gone in a blink of an eye.

had the most amazing night with Joanne, Intan, Joo Li & Carina. Started of at something sushi (quite cun place) and ended up @ starbucks. Wld have loved to spend my last night at the mamak but oh well..

Our convo's were out of mind.. had a blast laughing with the best girlfriends ever.. U guys rock my world ! We were making so much noise (ps: convent gals are LOUD & we're KNOW it ) ... there we were chatting bout our health's minister's sex scandal aloud.. when the table next to us had kids.. sorry Joo Li.. i know we caused you a great deal of heartache :) AND carina i still can't believe he has the umph considering he is 6o.. ( im STILL SURE it's the VIAGRA) and the boots.. GO COWBOY.. WOHOO !! boy tht got me cracking..

Oh ya.. then there was the convo about some ex-convent gals and their fake accents... Intan i will surely miss your boming towards those people.. uR words are sharper than a knife , yet hiliarious... Gonna miss u so so much babe.. btw.. it was intan's 22nd birthday and we SANG for her HAPPY BIRTHDAY in Starbucks.. YES PUBLIC EMBARRASSEMENT !! we use to do tht in mamak stalls when we were kids but now upgrade sikit la.. kat starbucks pulak..

It was a great great night.. i can't spell it on any better.. though i have to wake up at 5.30 am for my stupid darn IELTS exam.. i still needed to pen this night down.

Gonna miss you girls so very much. Your guys are what i call TRUE FRIENDS.. more like dear sisters to me who grew up together.. made blunders together and now all maturing together. Most unique girls I have ever met and may i mention ...they are HUMBLE though highly sucessful in life. Love u guys so much..n ps : GET UR ASSES TO MELB ASAP !! rememeber we need to prove something ya !!

muaks ..

perming escapade...

2008-01-16T16:35:00.000+11:00

I finally did it !!

I thought about it for months, even bought curler so as to try this new look, but it took me months to stir up the courage to actually go and get those curls..

I kinda got sick with the my usual lifeless straight hair.. i felt as though it wasn't me anymore.. im more complicated than tht...

Here i am today.. blogging my first entry for the year spotting a curly do and I'm feeling great. To me a change of a hair style is a big thing. I think people tend to fall into their comfort zone and its hard to get ur ass out of it. You always wanna opt for the easy option..at one point I was going.. " i ll do rebonding la aunty ". But she said NO ... NO .. dont change ur mind..

Sometimes we do need someone to help us stick to our intial instincts and get OUT of tht comfort zone..its an evil zone which leads to ultimate boredom. :)

Spinning thoughts

Love.

Welcome to the burbs !!

LIfe as it is..

Cheers to an amazing women !

Double 24 ... double the luck ??

Do we have beginner's luck ??

My new found love

Cheers to the a new decade !

The beginning of a new life

The end of an era

The well equipped woman

Deciding on "Mr.Right for the Time Being"

The fucked up week gone by...

The month gone by....

My eventful week..

Tax Returns already ?????

Volatility and me !

Blip on my radar

A twist of fate.. a drop of luck :D

So what is passion to you?

and yet another birthday goes by..

The 2009 Essential List

Review of the Wish List 08

The non-nonsense personality test !

Bright and Cheerful

The Red Dress

A hard dose of reality

Its time to let go

She is all happy :D

All you need is hope.

Hopes & Expectations

What you got...

The One Who Shall Be Called the Graduate.

The one after the Great Silence..

Walking through fire.

The end of an era

The awakening of the maternal instinct...

Don't we all wanna fall into this state of mind :)

The A.B.C of love in the 21st century.

Is mani/pedi the new orgasms of 2000's ??

Scrambling that rubble to find that "perfect" life..

Live and Learn

Lost in my thoughts

What would it be 10 years from now ?

One step at a time

Where is my midnight man ??

It's so Surreal !!

Let's get giggy with ABBA :)

The glitz and glam of the Ball

The attack of the damn *BUG*

and Back to the regular showing...

The Superwoman... yes I am :)

Here I go AGAIN !!!

The times for goodbyes...

Just Say It.

And the saga continues..

The Phuket Escapade

The post-date blues

The Shopping and the City ..

The New age of Hedonism ..

Ne-Yo - When You 're Mad

D.E.N.I.A.L

Ish ...geram betul !

And I have decided

A tribute to HIM

* Y.A.W.N*

Another Day, Another Drama

How To Be Friends With Your Ex

To be or not To be

and Karma kicks us right back in the ass..

So you think your winning the break up.. well HOLD ON !!

Oversaying it... Undersaying it !

Oi.. Oi.. Oi

22 !

Comedy Court - Two Indians on the Mountain

Goodbye Sam

ELECTIONS Blah blah blah

The Revolution.. the pick up.. the birthday wish list

It's been a while...

The attack of the damn BUG